Everything must be put on the table, do not depend on the feeling of love, infatuation or lust, that fizzles out after a while. Let your discussion be based on real issues as detailed below.
Do not make concessions you know you cannot sustain to please your partner, they will hold you accountable when the time comes. Be open, be real, be honest, it will help your partner make an informed decision. Do not assume your partner will change a position or behavior which does not sit well with you, they may not.
Keep it at the back of your mind that the agreements you reach are not cast in stone, your partner may renege on some of them because situations change, life happens to all of us. Therefore tolerance, understanding and accommodation becomes inevitable and very valuable as you journey through the turbulent years of marriage.
Marriage is not that complicated but we are the ones complicating it by not being sincere in our relationships. Love is important, but compatibility is key to cohabitation. This can only be achieved if people are sincere ab initio. That’s why you see couples who couldn’t live together as husband and wife, but end up becoming closer after a breakup.
The discussion is not meant to produce a legally binding agreement. It is meant to give you an insight into what your fiancé expects from a wife or husband. Some men want a housewife, some want a career woman, some women want to stay at home and be taken care of and some want to pursue a career. These discussion will help you understand and manage expectations.
Like everything else in life, agreements reached are not cast in stone, no agreement is absolute, it is a risk worth taking. Even life itself is a risk, even with it’s uncertainties and the mystery of death, we wake up everyday embracing life and living like there is no death. Marriage should be approached in the same way, do your human due diligence and take the plunge. You may be lucky to find your forever partner.
Finally, marriage is not easy, none is perfect, it is your ability to wade through these imperfections and tolerate, accommodate and sacrifice that make a marriage successful – Sir Stanley Ekezie