Peer pressure is another major catalyst which has continued to throw a spanner in the works of marriage. This dangerous phenomenon is present most times from inception. Many people get married not because they are mentally, emotionally or financially ready, they dive headlong into the sacred institution of marriage simply because their friends are doing it. Except the standard rules of marriage which is mutual respect and love for each other, most aspects of marriage and relationships are dependent on your spouse and your own peculiar circumstances.
Humans being are different, each one with varying degrees of strengths, flaws and weaknesses, this is part of what makes us human. Recognising the strengths and weaknesses of a spouse and juxtaposing it with your own strengths, flaws and weakness to achieve a mutually beneficial synergy is a very valuable skill, one which will help tremendously in your cohabitation with them. Some people are romantic, others are not, some are rich, others are not, some are kind others are not, the list goes on and on. Identify the strengths of your spouse and build on it, ensure the structure you build is heavy enough to outweigh their weaknesses.
One of the most dangerous things in marriage is comparing your spouse or marriage with others and bringing practices witnessed or heard of into your marriage without considering the temperament of your spouse as compared to theirs. Human beings according to their character and temperament react differently to the same situation. What works perfectly for them when applied to your own marriage may be the reason why your marriage will fail. It is ok to learn from the successes of others, but ensure you take the temperament of the principal characters into consideration.
He may be behaving the way he does towards his wife because of her patience and enduring spirit, do you possess those? She may be a loving model wife because of his tenderness, love and fidelity to her, can you honestly offer those to your own wife, you cannot eat roasted turkey in your neighbours house, come home and roast chicken and expect the same results, to achieve the results you tasted in your neighbours, you must provide turkey which is the principal ingredient. What you put in determines what you get. So next time when you want to compare your friends relationship with yours, make sure you are willing to make the sacrifices they probably made to achieve the results they have.
The fact that they can live how well they do doesn’t mean you can, plan yourself according to your income and grow at your own pace. No no one has it all, their spouses financial strength over yours may be the result of a long period of hard work and perseverance. It may also be masking something more sinister, all that glitters in not gold, you may be unable to endure in your marriage what the person you envy is enduring in theirs, the irony is that they may be willing to give up their financial advantage for the love, peace and calm you are enjoying and taking for granted in your marriage, learn to appreciate and enjoy your own advantage. Like the saying goes, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. It is dangerous to envy the glory and wish it upon yourself if you do not know the whole story.
It is important you take the distinctive nature of your spouse’s character and personality into consideration before you attempt to implement what you have seen work for others. Take your time and study your spouse, develop a system which works for you and is worth emulating by others. The ones you envy is in that position because like you, they have gone through their own period of confusion and may have finally been able to develop a system of marriage and cohabitation best suited for them – Sir Stanley Ekezie