Conflicts, quarrels and disagreements are an important part of every relationship. If the lessons are harnessed, it can help mould and strengthen understanding, mutual respect and synergy in a relationship. Contrary to what many people believe, presence of conflicts on its own is not a problem, it is how you come out of them that truly matters. In order to benefit from the advantages of a conflict, you must understand why you disagreed on an issue and readjust to either meet your spouse half way or accommodate their preference if you can make the sacrifice.
Being a union between two people who may have different backgrounds, goals and ambitions, marriage can be a very difficult relationship. Disagreements in marriage is almost inevitable, especially in the early years, while this can be a source of concern to most couples, it can also be a solid foundation on which a lasting relationship is built. The happiest couples do not agree on the same things, they just have a better understanding of their differences and are able to accommodate each other.
It is said that people show their true personality when they are angry, conflicts or quarrels will help you understand your spouse better, their temperament and character become clearer in times of conflicts giving you a vantage position from which to observe and adjust your own personality to compliment theirs. Rather than concentrate on the conflicts on its own, you must pay attention to the temperament and mindset of your spouse to ensure that it is not a recurring event.
Absence of conflicts or quarrels in a marriage doesn’t transcend to a successful and peaceful relationship, I believe that a couple who have never really disagreed on issues may not really understand each other, one or both of them may be pretending or is being stifled or silenced by an overbearing or tyrannical spouse, this on its own is a dangerous situation to be in.
If you are currently embroiled in conflicts in your relationship, do not despair, rather than focus on negativity, pay close attention to the salient lessons the situation teaches, find out why the situation is present, sincerely acknowledge your own part in the problem and ensure you try your best to avoid a further occurrence by correcting the flaws which may have incited your spouse to react.
The presence of conflict does not mean you are not compatible or that your spouse suddenly hates you, it doesn’t also mean they have changed after marriage, in fact conflict may be said to build compatibility. Living together as husband and wife is totally different from courtship. You are now in the same space and must not like the same things, colours, food etc, but by disagreeing on them, you will learn to accommodate each other’s preferences and opinions. So rather than see conflicts as a bad thing, view it from the perspective of a necessary means to a peaceful and mutually respectful relationship – Sir Stanley Ekezie