Dear Sir Stan,

I need your help, I met this girl at a party and went after her, after a long period of chasing her and spending my hard earned money on her and her family, we started dating. After only 9 months, she told me she doesn’t want to continue, I later discovered she has started dating one rich man in her estate all because of money. I intend to make sure she returns all the things I gave her because she doesn’t deserve them. Pls I need your advise best regards, Ken A.

Men traditionally have a habit of lavishing material things on women during courtship. They go all out to provide for the girl and sometimes her family while the chase is on. Even when she resists, telling you of her present boyfriend, you respond with lines like “he is clearly not taking care of you, I will spoil you and change your life” Subdued by the trappings of money, and the juicy promises you have made, she agrees to be with you. The sad thing is that deep inside, you know that without the money you are offering, she will not give you a second look. No matter how much you pretend both of you know that it is all about the money, her body language and general attitude will always reveal this. If you have to struggle too hard for her attention even while paying for her loyalty, if the only time she is nice to you is when she needs money, the relationship is dead on arrival.

Since money is the only reason she agreed to be with you, she puts you under all sorts of pressure to keep spending, because you have started on that note, you have no choice but to live up to her expectations, sometimes stretching yourself to the limits to perform. Then trouble starts and she decides she doesn’t want you again, your response is to move to recover the material things you have given her. You can argue that she deserves this, especially if she dumped you for another man in a disrespectful manner. What you have failed to understand is that by your entry behaviour predicated only on money and material things, you have corrupted the girl by unleashing within her, an insatiable greed for material things.

Greed is a demon which grows with time, at some point you may no longer be able to satisfy her needs, she will want more. No matter how much you give her, someone, somewhere, someday will be willing to outspend you for her attention, when this happens she will have no reason to remain with you. For such a girl, her attention is clearly for the highest bidder and it makes common sense for her to gravitate towards the person who pays her the most. You have nothing more to offer her and she doesn’t see anything else in you except money. Bear in mind also that when you got her attention with your money, there may have been one unfortunate disgruntled man you outbid for her attention and company. Karma is a bitch!!

Asking her to return gifts which you willingly gave her is a shameful display of childishness, and borderline wickedness. If asked to, can you refund the satisfaction and happiness she gave you in the bedroom?. You got what you wanted and enjoyed it while it lasted and against you best judgement you chose to thread where you are not really wanted. One of the many causes of this behaviour is an attempt by men or even women these days to buy themselves into the hearts of those with whom they want a relationship. When you come in contact with anyone you are interested in, it is advised that you sell yourself not your net-worth, you can have your way temporarily if you decide to buy your way into her heart, especially if the girl is greedy or in serious lack at the time. Ensure you do only things you are comfortably able to do, borrowing or selling properties to please a girl you know is with you for money is a recipe for disaster.

While I am somehow sympathetic to the plight of women who have gone through this, I want to also say that the way some of them behave when they feel a man no longer has anything more to offer is mean and cold hearted. If a man who you know you will ordinarily not be involved with approaches you, it is better for you to politely decline. By accepting gifts and money from such a man knowing you will dump him within a short while or when he is no longer able to give you money is dangerous. There are men out there who will go to any length to harm you especially if it involves another man, this is a dangerous killer punch to any man’s ego and his reaction may shock you. You may have been lucky to meet men who will just walk away or make noise and try to recover things from you, one day you will meet a devil who will go to any extent to harm you – Sir Stanley Ekezie