Pettiness breeds disrespect

A woman is a complicated emotional human being. She possesses a multifaceted personality which almost always gets a man confused. Pleasing a woman completely is also an uphill task, like a chameleon she changes according to her environment and the conditions she is exposed to. it is often said that it is impossible to understand her, while this may be true to an extent, there are measures which may be adopted to ensure a successful cohabitation with a woman.

A man must be able to attain a very high level of maturity and understanding before venturing into marriage. She may get on your nerves, push your buttons and annoy you, this may not be for any sinister reason, but just to get your attention and assurances that you still love her. Your ability to side step these land mines makes the whole difference in any relationship. Women see things very differently, she will make a huge issue out of things we consider very minor. Whatever you do, you must avoid trivialising her views even when you don’t agree with them.

In order to successfully cohabit with a woman you must be matured, extremely understanding and accommodating, your ability to ignore minor things is an important factor. It is not everything a man sees or hears that deserves a comment or reaction. Even when you comment, keep it simple and straight to the point. When she starts an argument, play it down and retreat because you cannot win. Even when you complain and she decides to argue, it may not seem so, but she has definitely gotten your message so there is absolutely no need to try and force your views on her or subdue her into agreeing with you.

She is always conscious of the fact that you may be trying to stifle her or belittle her intelligence, arguing is just her way of asserting herself, ignore this and move on. Not dwelling on the argument will almost guarantee that she she will do what you want at the end. It is very petty to ignore her after an argument even when she tries to keep malice. Once you have made your point, make a loving gesture to douse the tension and carry on like nothing happened, it makes your point sink in deeper. Nothing makes a man lose respect more than keeping malice for long periods of time over minor arguments.

It is not your place to complain about little domestic issues, her kitchen is her territory, knowing how much salt, pepper or onions at home is also not your responsibility. When you give her money for food or other domestic needs, trust her judgement and let her manage it. Avoid challenging her in domestic affairs, all domestic staff are her direct responsibility, she is free to do with them as she pleases. You can however point out to her when she is being too harsh or not treating them well, but never before the staff and don’t be confrontational if she decides to argue. Never ever stand with a staff against her, it is the easiest way to lose respect.

Finally in situations where you are able to provide for the family, do it without minding how much she earns. Women and money are like water and fish, you cannot separate one from the other. Your money is “our” money and her money is “her” money. Let her out of her own freewill help if she wants to. You cannot involve her in sharing the responsibility of providing and still claim to be the sole head of the house hold, she is a helper and not a co-provider.

Once you give her any financial responsibility out of her income, she will naturally require an equal amount of power at home. In cases where you are unable to provide, always fashion the responsibility you give her as a loan which you intend to repay when you are capable, ensure you repay once in a while, that way you keep your respect and also get the problems solved – Sir Stanley Ekezie

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