Success in marriage, a combination of luck and personal choice

A lot has been written about the key to a successful marriage, many scholars have proposed different theories and approach to achieving the much desired synergy at home. I personally have added my own perspective on how to achieve a successful union. While being cautious not to demean or contest the different theories and strategies out there, I have come to realise that success in marriage is a combination of luck and personal choice.

Using my own experience spanning more than twenty years, I believe that luck and choice play an important role in marriage. In the first instance, the face is not an index of the mind so no one can claim to know for sure who or what their spouse will eventually become. In most cases people do their due diligence, ask questions, observe their spouse before marriage, but then people change, a previously very loving spouse can turn to a monster overnight, and an irresponsible boyfriend can end up being the model husband, we don’t have absolute control over who and what people become. In some cases however, our own positive side or short comings can positively or negatively nudge our spouse to either direction.

At the end, it all comes down to choice, we can choose to endure and make the best out of whatever or whoever we end up with or pack our bags and run when the going gets tough. Going into marriage I resolved that by the Special grace of God, I will tolerate whatever my wife throws at me, I made up my mind to do whatever it takes to ensure my marriage succeeds. Having this mindset helps you manage your reaction to issues. So far God has been faithful, my wife has been nothing but a super wife. This doesn’t however stop me from telling her, that no matter what she does to me, I am not going anywhere. Staying married whether it turns sour or remains rosy is a personal choice.

When you are about to embark on this journey, it is important you bear in mind that it can go either way, marriage is like choosing one sealed package out of many, you have to open it to know what is in it and be bold enough to stand by the choice you have made. It is important also to remember that you are also Ike a sealed package, what you eventually become may not be what your spouse expected, the key is to observe your spouse closely and as they change, you also make some positive character adjustments to accommodate them. Being stubborn and obstinate, insisting on your way of doing things is a deal breaker, be flexible, be dynamic and always be considerate – Sir Stanley Ekezie

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4 comments

  1. Before I got married, I told myself that I will keep to my marriage vows, no matter what. I want to be married for life. That mindset is very important in sustaining one’s marriage. Keep up the good job.

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