Bottled up emotions and the devastating effect on your relationship

Often times people hear, see or suspect something about their spouse, but as a result of ego or fear of appearing stupid or trivial, they are too embarrassed to ask questions for clarification. There are times also when one feels the relationship lacks, passion, friendship sexual attraction etc, and for the same reasons they shy away from discussing these deficiencies. Your effort to avoid unnecessary quarrels may also prevent you from asking questions or make demands for things which you really want. While this serves the immediate purpose of preventing a quarrel, massaging your ego or preserving your self respect, it has a long term effect of breeding acrimony or bad blood.

The human mind is complicated, it is independent and has the ability to magnify and bring to life things which the ears or eyes feeds into it. Once we see or hear anything negative, the mind goes to work and begins to give it life, it negatively reads even the minutest actions and body language in its bid to satisfy and give credence to our suspicion. Once it takes a position, it begins to affect the way we relate with our spouse.

Seeing your spouse as an offender or unable to fulfil your emotional desires and for whatever reason being unable to confront them about it gets you angry, irritated and completely changes your attitude in the relationship. This change in attitude is most time involuntary making us completely unaware that our attitude towards them has changed. Even in situations where we are aware, we are completely helpless and held captive by the suspicion which has been magnified in our minds. What happens is that we begin to show signs of anger and aggression, silently blaming them for something for which they may be completely innocent or unaware.

Bottled up suspicion, jealousy and anger will make insignificant things get you irritated and you will snap at the slightest jokes or comments. Since you will naturally refuse to talk about the issue because of your fear of being too petty or appearing foolish, if innocent, your spouse may be pushed to anger after a period of trying to find out what the issue is. This will result in an ugly stalemate which will definitely degenerate into something more serious.

The only way to ensure that you are not a victim of this it to be bold enough to ask questions, or ask for answers even to the stupidest thoughts of suspicion. It is also important that we discuss areas which we believe our spouse is lacking in the relationship. Things may not be always be what they seem, in most cases a simple explanation through mature dialogue may clear all doubts and absolve your spouse of any misconduct. So do not bottle things up, speak your mind always and ask questions where something is unclear – Sir Stanley Ekezie

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