There is a very unfair situations in most homes today, women are knowingly or ignorantly taking sole credit for providing for the kids, even when the man is partly or entirely responsible for ensuring that the family is well taken care of. Being too busy with the task of providing makes it inevitable for the man to sometimes channel the required resources through his wife who then disburses to the kids. If no credit is given to the man, the kids may grow up believing that it was only their mum who paid their bills. A mother’s spiritual and natural connection to the child cannot be contested, she carries and nurtures the child until he is able to recognise his father. A man cannot compete with this, his show of love and care may partly or wholly depend on the children recognising his ability to provide for them.
This may be an innocent oversight or a deliberate attempt to court the love, affection and appreciation of the kids while sidelining the fathers who may be mostly absent working for the upkeep of the family. While this may be beneficial in the interim in terms of strengthening the natural bond which already exists between the mothers and their kids, while excluding the father from playing the role from which he can earn the love, respect and admiration of the kids. Alienating the father from sharing the glory of providence because of his almost inevitable absence from home disrupts the natural balance of parenting. In the process of doing this, the child develops a one sided affection which makes it difficult for the man to effectively play his role as a father.
Every child needs a strong father figure who must be seen to be a protector and provider for the family. It also ensures that the kids respect the man, who is then empowered to discipline them when they are out of line. “I will report you to your father” is a statement which should instil fear in every child, this becomes difficult especially in their teens if they see him as someone who cannot even pay their bills. Since kids love and respect those who nurture and provide for them, they may grow up believing that they loose nothing by disobeying him. A strong father figure who is seen to be taking care of his family instils in them a sense of responsibility which is required when then eventually get married.
Having a father who lives up to his expectations by providing for them gives the daughters confidence while strengthening their mental and emotional health. A woman’s first love is her father, she should have one who gives her a very high sense of security. Seeing their father as a hard working provider will enable her ward off the many predators out there who are willing to entice her with material things. She will also use him as a yardstick to measure men while choosing her own husband. A father who is unable to adequately provide in the eyes of his daughter diminishes her self esteem and makes her very vulnerable to temptations.
It is extremely important for women to start giving some credit to the men, even when he is not the one providing. Encourage them to say thank you to their father regularly for providing for their upkeep, this instils in them a sense of gratitude which will help them immensely as they go through life. Doing this is definitely not only for the man’s ego and self esteem , but primarily for the children. You will definitely need his firm input and stoic presence to absorb the certain pressures which will arise while raising the kids, especially in their late teenage years when they begin to vehemently assert themselves. This is impossible if he is constantly maligned in the eyes of his children.
It doesn’t matter what your marital status is, as long as they have a father, he must be prepared to step in when the time comes. This can only be possible if the kids love and respect him and are made aware of the fact that he adequately provided for them from the onset. If the father is late, an uncle or close Male family friend should be prepared in this manner to take charge – Sir Stanley Ekezie.