Put your cards on the table

In most cases it is a man who approaches a woman and tries to woo her, in doing this it is expected that the man will attempt to market himself to be as appealing as possible to the woman. As he does this, the temptation may be overwhelming to paint a bogus picture of who he really is. Bear in mind however that whatever you say or promise that is less than the truth will be used against you during the course of the marriage. One of the worst mistakes a man will make is to start a relationship based on lies. Any relationship built on lies and deceit is sitting on a faulty and weak foundation and cannot stand the test of time. Any little tremor will bring the relationship crumbling like a pack of cards.

If you have a love child or baby mama, tell her about it, If you are a smoker let her see you smoke, if you like to club and hang with the boys let her see you do this often, if you are prudent and don’t like to throw money around let her know, don’t turn to Father Christmas during courtship and then tighten the purse strings afterwards, don’t be an introvert when you are pursuing her and then turn to a night watchman at bars and clubs after the wedding. Don’t expect her to willing accept a love child she didn’t know about without serious resistance. Don’t claim to be averse to alcohol and then turn to a walking brewery afterwards. Whatever you show her that made her say yes is who she married, any attempt to change will pitch her against you.

The most dangerous lie is about your finances and income, women plan ahead and there are certain expectations that come with a financially capable man, if you have boasted of enormous resources that do not exist, or about a plum job you don’t have, she will plan based on it and in the absence of what you have claimed, things will fall apart. You are better off laying your cards on the table and saying as it is. If she doesn’t accept you the way you are, chances are that she won’t accept you when lie and the truth finally comes to light.

Marriage is not dating, you cannot just walk away before you are busted, it is not a temporary relationship, it a life long commitment. Do not play smart, your actions and inactions will have far reaching effects on your partner. No matter how good you are at lying, you cannot keep up the charade for a very long time. Sooner or later cracks will appear in your story and she will become bitter and disillusioned because you have deceived her into a relationship based on lies. You will become a stranger to her because the man she has built in her head is completely different from the man she eventually married. The loss of respect and regards for you will be rapid and the downward trend of you relationship may be irreversible.

A woman who wants to be with you will accept you the way you are. If she loves you enough to want to marry you, she will give you the required breathing space to grow when you make her your wife. She will be willing to support and assist with your hustle and will cover you until you are able to stand, provided she knows and willingly accepts what she is going into. Good women recognise hard work and potential when they see it, they can endure and live in deprivation while you work your way up. If she puts you under pressure and you have to lie to impress her, she is a girlfriend and not your wife. You have to be smart and recognise the difference.

Marriage is a life long journey, wrought with many problems and bumps along the way, self inflicted pressures will only make the journey tougher and more difficult to manage. Put your cards on the table exactly as it is and let her decide if she is willing to embark on the journey down the isle with you. It is entirely her decision and it is proper that you give her accurate information to enable her make an informed decision. In doing this you would have saved yourself the pressure of living a lie and being asked to provide what you don’t have – Sir Stanley Ekezie

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