Aiding and abetting a sexless marriage. Part 1

It has become very common for couples to go for weeks, months and even years without sex. While this may not immediately spell doom for the marriage, the lack of intimacy may gradually and most times stealthily make the marriage degenerate into a stale relationship. When this happens, the man is usually blamed, but the women also play a major role in encouraging the situation. Accepting a sexless relationship as normal is a very grievous mistake which may not augur well for the marriage. In this situation, it may be extremely difficult but not impossible for the man to resist the temptation to fall prey to extra marital affairs.

Contrary to what most people believe, not having sex at home may not mean he is having sex outside the marriage. A couple of situations may make a man loose total interest in sex, some of these are medical problems, stress, decreasing levels of testosterone, malice, and ageing. Medical conditions like high blood pressure and diabetes may also negatively affect a man’s libido. Most anti blood pressure medication have also been known to cause erectile dysfunction in men, this embarrassing situation also leads to total lack of the urge to try. As a result of our culture of negligence, a lot of men have undiagnosed medical issues which may adversely affect their sex life.

Constant quarrels at home kills attraction; a man wants to be in charge during intercourse, he wants to sexually dominate and satisfy his wife, her gentle and delicate personality and her fragile body under him enhances his masculinity, this may be why the traditional sex position is missionary. This sexual domination means a lot for his ego and pride and ultimately makes him perform better. When a woman constantly challenges her husband, when she refuses to exhibit the gentility and delicate nature of a woman, he begins to view her as a rival or fellow man. This is a killer of libido for the man, his self esteem being compromised, he may not be able to perform optimally, in some cases total loss of libido occurs.

Suspicion of infidelity is another major cause of loss of libido in men. A man is territorial and will react against any perceived encroachment on his territory. Men are not as rational as women, even an unsubstantiated suspicion of infidelity can trigger a melancholic breakdown which can lead to an ego crisis and serious loss of libido. Men believe a woman cheats for two reasons, either for more money or better sex, his mostly irrational reasoning may not allow him to accept that lack or love and affection may lead a woman into a romantic relationship with a man who is willing to show her love and affection. He finds it difficult to process the fact that another man is better than him in a particular aspect of the relationship. His ego and self esteem will take a hit in the process and ultimately lead to loss of libido.

A woman whose marriage has fallen into this category can help restore sex in her marriage. A few things may help make this happen. On the days you want to seduce him, do not remind him of the children’s school fees, house rent, domestic bills etc, once you have filled his head with these problems, his brain instead of focusing on you, starts processing and finding solutions to the issues raised, in this state he will be completely uninterested in sex and will recoil at your touch and advances, this is because a man’s mind needs to be at peace and in a happy mode for arousal to happen.

Though it has not been scientifically proven, I believe there is certainly a connection between a man’s genitals and his pocket. Avoid being perceived as an agent of bills, once he gets used to seeing you in that light, you may no longer be sexually appealing to him. Don’t just relax because he is your husband, dress for him, buy those sexy lingerie, make sure you are clean and well packaged always.

You have conjugal rights, disturb him until he delivers on those rights. Do not be laidback about it, it is extremely important you connect with him on that level. Even when he appears uninterested, push harder. I know it is traditional for a man to make sexual advances to his wife, however, it is a huge libido enhancer when she makes the advances, knowing that she wants him boosts his self esteem and may make him perform better. So ladies don’t just sit and wait for him, create the enabling environment, seduce him, be creative, be spontaneous, shut the world and it’s problems outside your bedroom, be the woman he craves – Sir Stanley Ekezie

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3 comments

  1. This is just too wonderful. God bless you sir for all this email messages, I have so learnt alot from your teachings sir. Am most thankful for this. Blessings. Madu chinonye.

    On Apr 26, 2018 3:45 PM, “Relationship blues and bliss” wrote:

    Sir Stanley Ekezie – Relationship blues and bliss posted: “It has become very common for couples to go for weeks, months and even years without sex. While this may not immediately spell doom for the marriage, the lack of intimacy may gradually and most times stealthily make the marriage degenerate into a stale re”

    Like

  2. Hmm, this is interesting but.. When a man is continuously in one affair or the other all year round with other girls/women, where do you as a wife start. I am tired of my husband’s infidelity but I can’t leave my children and I still love him. It is tough really.

    Like

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