The most dangerous type of nagging is the one from a supposed loving wife or husband, I choose to call it “nagging in love” This type of nagging can also mimic mockery making it very effective in pushing victims into many societal vices including, prostitution, armed robbery, kidnapping, money rituals and all other get rich quick schemes out there today. It is also responsible for 70% or more of sudden deaths recorded in marriages. Nagging can take a loving stance when the person nagging does it in a non confrontational, subtle and respectful manner.
When a woman nags in a traditional confrontational manner, she makes it easy for the man to ignore her, but nothing kills a man more than watching his loving wife lack things he knows she should have especially when she doesn’t quarrel about it. Similarly, nothing bothers a woman more than not being able to be that person who her husband wants or do those things which her husband craves. Out of love, he or she feels the intense pressure of the nagging and may be forced to do things they won’t ordinarily do to provide for or please their spouse.
A person may stand by his or her spouse in times of hardship, while they may not be quarrelsome in their nagging for things they need, they may consciously or unconsciously be putting unnecessary pressure on their spouse by making demands they know he is unable to provide. In most cases it is better to leave the man or woman rather than push them into a more complicated situation as a result of the choices they are forced to make in order to please you.
For our women, especially in a situation where the man bears the responsibility of providing, supporting him and standing by him in times of hardship is laudable, it is expected, however it requires more than just physical presence. You must ensure that you make a very conscious effort to encourage him especially if you see he is making an effort to provide , tone down your needs, make him believe you don’t need things he cannot provide, assure him you can manage the little he is able to provide, do not gleefully remind him of things he is expected to do when you know he can’t afford to do them at that moment; cover for him when you can, shield him at all times and let him know you have confidence in his ability to excel. He is aware of his responsibilities, it may not seem that way sometimes, but he is.
His anger may not be against you, he is probably angry that he is unable to provide, so he may snap when you ask for things due to you. A hungry man is an angry man, bear this in mind when he flies off the handle at the slightest provocation. Don’t worry in most cases he is not stingy, mean or insensitive, he is just frustrated that he is unable to provide at that time, especially if you are respectful, loving and nice despite the situation. Give him time, pray for him, no condition is permanent.
Putting pressure especially in a loving way is recipe for disaster as he may out of love and the need to provide and make you happy resort to commission of crime or succumb to pressure to do terrible things; If you must stay and support your man, then do it with an open heart, do not cry at every little discomfort, start your family prayers session with constant lamentation to God about how much your are suffering or remind him and point out what others are doing for their wives, that is subtle nagging and will definitely unleash high blood pressure, stroke etc on him. Be considerate, be patient be a loving wife for real – Sir Stanley Ekezie
You are right; no responsible man wants to be reminded of his responsibilities. Thank you for this write up.