A woman scorned and her debilitating response 

He said he was married for 24 years, a committed and responsible family man who provides everything for his family. His children attended good schools and he lives with his family in a high brow area of Abuja in a house fully owned by him. He was in fact every woman’s dream man, but his wife had a very different opinion of him, to her he was a tyrant, a hard no nonsense man who ruled his home with an iron fist. He controlled all aspects of his family’s life, chose careers for the kids and his wife is expected to seek and obtain permission for every venture she plans to embark on, a permission which is very rarely given. To people observing her marriage from a distance, she had it all, but she was miserable, his highhandedness over the years has somehow messed up her emotions, she wasn’t sure of what she felt for him, but she knew she no longer had any respect for him, she resented him for all the missed opportunities and dreams she hasn’t realized. She wanted a chance in life to pursue her dream.

So one bright Sunday morning, as he woke them up for church, she said she wasn’t going, she told him she had malaria so he went with the kids. By the time they got home 2 hours later, they found her room empty, she had packed everything, not even a pin remained in her room. The security man at the gate informed him that madam had brought a big lorry and 4 hefty men and carried everything, she left the car he got her and the Rolex wristwatch he gave her for her 40th birthday. Still confused he called her, she answered and calmly told him she is done with the marriage and will be filing for divorce. She said the kids are free to choose where they want to live, they are all grown, the last child is 20years old and just had his convocation ceremony the Saturday preceding her moving out. With this position she sealed the man’s faith, he will never be the same again, he will end up being a bitter and angry man. It will be a miracle if he escapes high blood pressure. For such a strong man who who was completely in charge, this was a debilitating response from his supposed submissive wife. 

It is obvious that the woman in the story planned what happened on that fateful Sunday for more than a decade. Her husband’s hardline approach made her loose respect and affection for him, but because of her kids she stayed until the last child graduated from college. Women can be devious when pushed to the wall, the fact that she appears to respect you and obey all your commands does not mean she is not secretly planning your downfall. It is dangerous to keep a woman at home and maltreat her, it is like living with an enemy. A woman’s psychology is totally different from that of a man, they don’t forget when you don’t treat them well. A woman can bear a grudge for a life time, she can wait patiently for decades for her pound of flesh, she loves as deeply as she hates. When there is genuine friendship and you treat your wife with dignity and respect, you can never do any wrong as long as she is concerned, you can almost get away with anything, she will remember the Ill treatment and respond in like manner when her time is right, she will also remember your good deeds to her and will love, cherish and respect you for them, either ways, a woman never forgets. Be careful the way you treat a girlfriend or a wife, hell hath no fury more that a woman scorned is an understatement, it is much worse.

A wise man may be a little hard initially to mould his young family, but he knows that as the woman grows older it is advisable to begin to loosen up a bit, give her the benefit of doubt, treat her like an adult, like an equal partner, relinquish the reigns of leadership at home to her. Let her become the Chief Executive officer (CEO) or the Chief Operating Officer (COO) of the household while you still retain the prestigious position of the Chairman of the board. The everyday administration of the household will be her responsibility as CEO while you retain the major decision making portfolio as Chairman. It is a very easy and straightforward arrangement, one which will ensure that your family remains stable and at peace. Ensure that you give her the freedom to be herself, do not put yourself in a position where she will blame you for things marriage deprived her of doing, she will forever hold it against you. Encourage her to follow her dreams no matter what you feel about them, it is hers and not yours, it is ok to let her make her own minor mistakes in her career if they are not too expensive, it is better than stopping her and having her blame you for a success which was never going to happen, she needs to find this out herself. Sometimes all she needs is your support and encouragement.

With the man’s permission I called the woman, and it was exactly as I had predicted, she had gotten a job with one of the telecommunications companies and resumed on the Monday after she moved out and moved into an apartment she rented two months before in another part of town. She said she wasn’t aware of him cheating on her, but he was a mean man who never wanted her to grow. Like she told him earlier, she told me it was over with a resounding note of finality which shocked and discouraged me from even trying to appeal to her. It was a well articulated and implemented plan, one which she may have planned over months or years. This strengthened my believe in loving a woman to submission, remember that during this period, regardless of what she was planning, she obeyed the man, had sex with him regularly and cooked for him everyday, to him and every other person she was a submissive wife. Gentlemen, this is all women personified. 

Bearing this in mind, make sure you re-examine your relationship at home, ensure that while you are depositing in your pension fund and planning your retirement, you are also depositing love, care, respect physical presence and friendship into your marriage and relationship with your children, this is the family care pension you will drawn on when you have become old and weak. Do not be deceived into thinking that just writing cheques and providing material things will buy you love and care in old age, the way you treat your wife and children will determine how they will respond to you and the life you will live in retirement – Sir Stanley Ekezie 

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24 comments

  1. No Sir! This is not all women personified. Some women will refuse having their wings clipped, some will fight for their say and sanity in that marriage, some will insist on having a voice. Not all will endure such blatant disregard and maltreatment for 24 years. Some will insist on change while some would have left long before 24 years. No Sir! This is not all women personified.

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  2. True but this is the plan of some ‘overly submissive women’ wanting to maintain sanity in her home for the sake of the kids and probably cause of lack of finances to mange the kids. Our men need to be wiser

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  3. That part of the article has been misunderstood. It is not literally, a woman’s ability to hold a grudge without showing it is what I am highlighting here, that statement has nothing to do with the story itself or the 24 year marriage. Moreover the statement “hell hath no fury more than a woman scorned” like the one I made about all women personified can never apply to all women, some women will forgive no matter what. Every rule like the one I just mentioned above has an exception. Many women are not happy in their marriages, most endure unimaginable things, but they are still there for one reason or another and putting up a front and a broad smile. Most of these women will become she devils at some stage in retaliation to what they have endured. The high number of maltreated and abandoned old men is a clear indication of this.

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  4. Na wa ooh! Let them be enduring. I’m a bit too strong willed to throw my life away in the optional worship or fear of a man. I no fit biko.

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  5. From knowledge I gained from books not experience I found out that spirituality (relationship with God is key),I tell u a secret I don’t envy this part u/we ve towed bcos ur/our advice is recorded by d universe and will bring back to u/us in ur/our own coin.Remember a marriage counselor just broke up with her hubby,bcos as she was fixing other people relationships she forgot that d 4walls will bring it back to her to see if what she preached was rooted

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  6. Kenneth Ukaonu In the first place I hope you took away the lesson in the post. Secondly I appreciate your concern, I don’t claim and have never claimed to be perfect, my own marriage is not perfect, my wife and I learn everyday, from my experiences and those of people who talk to me I write, primarily to expose certain truths so anyone who is interested can learn. I don’t know what tomorrow holds for my marriage or that of those who read my messages, one thing is sure, I will give it my best and always try to treat my wife and kids in the best possible way I can. As for the counsellor whose marriage broke, it is unfair to judge her unfairly, I don’t know what happened, but it is actually very possible to choose wrongly more than once, it takes two to be married, if she is willing and her spouse isn’t, what can she do. One thing you must also learn is that Those who have failed are better teachers than those who haven’t. Just like the counsellor whose marriage broke, I have also made mistakes, with those mistakes I have learnt and I try to teach.

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  7. Sir stan, you are just God sent. Your article is always educative. It guides and directs the wise. Marriage is meant to enjoyed not endured. The essence of reading this is to learn and avoid the same scenario. Treat your spouse right to avoid fake submission. No one enjoys brutality and loveless marriage.

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  8. Awesome….and yes it is so important not to cage a woman. No matter how much she loves her home, one day the caged bird will gather wings, not even her children can hold her back anymore.😢

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  9. Great piece Uncle Stan. …. But, I’m a bit worried about this line, ” A wise man may be a little hard initially to mould his young family, but he knows that as the woman grows older it is advisable to begin to loosen up a bit, give her the benefit of doubt, treat her like an adult, like an equal partner, relinquish the reigns of leadership at home to her”…. If I understand correctly, is this wise man being hard on his wife to mould his family? Is she his child? Is he putting her on the same level with his children? Is this even an attitude of a wise man? Is he not moulding this young family together with his wife?

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  10. @Uchenna, When a new home is born, leadership is placed in the hands of the man, and a woman is expected to submit which is the right thing to do. Some men however will get excited and carried away in the process of trying to direct and manage the home and may become overbearing. It is age, wisdom and maturity that will teach him how to lead with compassion, and understanding. It will also open his eyes to his wife’s potentials. It certainly helps to see your wife as a child, it helps you ignore the little things and give her benefit of the doubt. It helps you chastise her in love and laugh at and dismiss some of her bad behaviours as childish.

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  11. My Chief, my man, my counselor, much respect. You are on point on this piece. I have a similar case here. Only diff is that the woman hasn’t moved out yet. Thanks a bunch.

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  12. That a marriage counselor s marriage failed should not give any one any reason to gloat or jubilate in it . She is human too and not omniscient . It is akin to gloating when a doctor loses a patient he cannot stop a patient from dying . When a lawyer loses a case does it mean he is a bad lawyer . Feminism is not the reason marriages are breaking . For some it could be something as minor as leaving the toilet seat open or even pressing the tooth paste from the middle . Life we all know is full of ups and downs . Thanks sir Stanley Ekezie , more grace as u furnish us with different ways to manage our different homes may our merciful father also guide and protect your own home for you .

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