He said he was married for 24 years, a committed and responsible family man who provides everything for his family. His children attended good schools and he lives with his family in a high brow area of Abuja in a house fully owned by him. He was in fact every woman’s dream man, but his wife had a very different opinion of him, to her he was a tyrant, a hard no nonsense man who ruled his home with an iron fist. He controlled all aspects of his family’s life, chose careers for the kids and his wife is expected to seek and obtain permission for every venture she plans to embark on, a permission which is very rarely given. To people observing her marriage from a distance, she had it all, but she was miserable, his highhandedness over the years has somehow messed up her emotions, she wasn’t sure of what she felt for him, but she knew she no longer had any respect for him, she resented him for all the missed opportunities and dreams she hasn’t realized. She wanted a chance in life to pursue her dream.

So one bright Sunday morning, as he woke them up for church, she said she wasn’t going, she told him she had malaria so he went with the kids. By the time they got home 2 hours later, they found her room empty, she had packed everything, not even a pin remained in her room. The security man at the gate informed him that madam had brought a big lorry and 4 hefty men and carried everything, she left the car he got her and the Rolex wristwatch he gave her for her 40th birthday. Still confused he called her, she answered and calmly told him she is done with the marriage and will be filing for divorce. She said the kids are free to choose where they want to live, they are all grown, the last child is 20years old and just had his convocation ceremony the Saturday preceding her moving out. With this position she sealed the man’s faith, he will never be the same again, he will end up being a bitter and angry man. It will be a miracle if he escapes high blood pressure. For such a strong man who who was completely in charge, this was a debilitating response from his supposed submissive wife. 

It is obvious that the woman in the story planned what happened on that fateful Sunday for more than a decade. Her husband’s hardline approach made her loose respect and affection for him, but because of her kids she stayed until the last child graduated from college. Women can be devious when pushed to the wall, the fact that she appears to respect you and obey all your commands does not mean she is not secretly planning your downfall. It is dangerous to keep a woman at home and maltreat her, it is like living with an enemy. A woman’s psychology is totally different from that of a man, they don’t forget when you don’t treat them well. A woman can bear a grudge for a life time, she can wait patiently for decades for her pound of flesh, she loves as deeply as she hates. When there is genuine friendship and you treat your wife with dignity and respect, you can never do any wrong as long as she is concerned, you can almost get away with anything, she will remember the Ill treatment and respond in like manner when her time is right, she will also remember your good deeds to her and will love, cherish and respect you for them, either ways, a woman never forgets. Be careful the way you treat a girlfriend or a wife, hell hath no fury more that a woman scorned is an understatement, it is much worse.

A wise man may be a little hard initially to mould his young family, but he knows that as the woman grows older it is advisable to begin to loosen up a bit, give her the benefit of doubt, treat her like an adult, like an equal partner, relinquish the reigns of leadership at home to her. Let her become the Chief Executive officer (CEO) or the Chief Operating Officer (COO) of the household while you still retain the prestigious position of the Chairman of the board. The everyday administration of the household will be her responsibility as CEO while you retain the major decision making portfolio as Chairman. It is a very easy and straightforward arrangement, one which will ensure that your family remains stable and at peace. Ensure that you give her the freedom to be herself, do not put yourself in a position where she will blame you for things marriage deprived her of doing, she will forever hold it against you. Encourage her to follow her dreams no matter what you feel about them, it is hers and not yours, it is ok to let her make her own minor mistakes in her career if they are not too expensive, it is better than stopping her and having her blame you for a success which was never going to happen, she needs to find this out herself. Sometimes all she needs is your support and encouragement.

With the man’s permission I called the woman, and it was exactly as I had predicted, she had gotten a job with one of the telecommunications companies and resumed on the Monday after she moved out and moved into an apartment she rented two months before in another part of town. She said she wasn’t aware of him cheating on her, but he was a mean man who never wanted her to grow. Like she told him earlier, she told me it was over with a resounding note of finality which shocked and discouraged me from even trying to appeal to her. It was a well articulated and implemented plan, one which she may have planned over months or years. This strengthened my believe in loving a woman to submission, remember that during this period, regardless of what she was planning, she obeyed the man, had sex with him regularly and cooked for him everyday, to him and every other person she was a submissive wife. Gentlemen, this is all women personified. 

Bearing this in mind, make sure you re-examine your relationship at home, ensure that while you are depositing in your pension fund and planning your retirement, you are also depositing love, care, respect physical presence and friendship into your marriage and relationship with your children, this is the family care pension you will drawn on when you have become old and weak. Do not be deceived into thinking that just writing cheques and providing material things will buy you love and care in old age, the way you treat your wife and children will determine how they will respond to you and the life you will live in retirement – Sir Stanley Ekezie