Made by a woman 

A lady sent a message today praising me to high heavens, she told me how lucky my wife is to have a man like me, a man who believes in female empowerment, supports gender equality and is not afraid to lend his voice to feminism. I have been called many things, from patient, loving supportive and caring, I may not be there yet, but by Gods grace I will be someday. This woman’s message made me realize that I may have erroneously projected myself as a perfect husband from inception, a man who has never done any wrong or hurt his wife, I am therefore compelled to set the records straight. I am nowhere near perfect, I am work in progress, I am the product of my wife’s perseverance, what we have today hasn’t come easy, like gold we have gone through and still going through the required heat to shine. I am learning from the mistakes I made in the past, I am determined to be happy and to make my wife happy, even if it means giving up somethings. Whatever I write, I or someone close to me may have experienced, I put these facts forward, not to judge anyone or to glorify myself, I live in the hope that these experiences may be a valuable lesson to someone who may be facing the same challenges.

My wife and I was not a perfect match, we were two individuals brought together by marriage, she had her dreams and I had mine. Sometimes the dreams clashed, some times also we wanted different things this inevitably led to disagreements some of them very intense, more than once I believed the end had come for us, I wondered if we will ever make it, those were indeed very turbulent times. Having come from very strong Christian families, the foundations our parents laid in us was solid, my wife inherited her mothers patience, tolerance and an unwavering loyalty and from my father I got a strong unflinching love for my family, a high sense of responsibility and total reverence to God in everything. So even in my days of youthful exuberance, I paused to remember that I was still answerable not only to my wife, but to the sacred institution of marriage which we both swore to uphold in the presence of God and witnessed by our families and friends.

It will be extremely unfair for me to take the credit for the man I have become today, my wife played the most important role to get me to this point. What she did and is still doing deserves a whole article on its own, but being a very modest woman, I will try to summarize her role in one paragraph. Having come from a family like mine, my wife had no problems tolerating my excesses, her mum did it, her aunts probably did it, so she took all the things I threw at her in her stride. Apart from domestic violence, I exhibited almost all the bad habits out there. The more I threw them at her, the more resilient she became. She had profound respect and love for me, she refused to give up on me, we fought, we argued but she never called me names or disrespected me and neither did I, even during these exchanges, we knew our limits. My wife never let who she is, her professional and academic accomplishments come into our marriage. In spite of her beauty and elegance, she has remained humble. Being a very progressive young man who wasn’t doing badly, I never made it about money or boasted about where I have been or the things I have managed to accomplish. The arguments were mostly done in reverence for my position as her husband and my response was also given in recognition of the fact that I was mostly the offender. My wife was the type of woman who will complain about something I did, no matter how serious, she will quarrel with me and next minute ask me what I wanted to eat, when I accepted the offer of food, my punishment was that she won’t sit with me during the meal, she will serve the food and leave. Insignificant as this punishment was, it always got to me. 

I know I did things that was enough to drive any woman to madness, her calm disposition was a serious source of concern to me, I feared she may wake up in the middle night and strangle me. I remember wishing that she will scream at me and probably throw and break things but in the face of provocation she remained unusually calm, I felt really humiliated sometimes when that happened, it felt like she was ignoring me like she will do to naughty child, and indeed she was. She held our marriage together when all I did was try to tear it apart, we probably won’t be married today if she gave me back a tenth of what I gave her. Don’t get me wrong, she is not perfect, she has her own many faults but compared to mine, hers were insignificant. She was the sanity I needed in my insanity, she had more faith in me than I had in myself, she knew that deep down there was a sane man somewhere waiting to be liberated, the man she saw, fell in love with and married. Her tenacity, fortitude and spiritual guidance helped me discover that man. I am the product of this woman’s love and patience.

Marriage is a sacred thing. It takes two to be married, but it takes just one person to make it work, you may take turns being that one person, it can either be the man or the woman, but one definitely has to be ready to sacrifice anything and everything for it to work. Marriage only breaks down when a couple decides to give up at the same time, when none of them is willing to do all it takes to stay together. Bear in mind that when you strive so hard to win that argument, when you stubbornly insist on your right or try to subdue and lord it over your spouse, there is no price to be won, no gold medal to be hung around your neck and no trophies to receive, all you get is a damaged relationship deceptively cloaked in worthless pride with the semblance of an over rated victory; at the expense of what may have turned out to be a beautiful marriage. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your pride, you must set aside that ego and resist the temptation of fighting for that fleeting euphoria from a momentary sense of satisfaction.

 I believe the marriages that work are those where the couple work together irrespective of their differences and imperfections, respecting each other’s unique personality, tolerating each other’s excesses and avoiding pride and ego. If my wife hadn’t been patient, if she hadn’t believed in the God she so desperately sought at the time, where would we have been today? Probably a couple who used to be married, locked in a constant battle for the children’s attention and love, how tragic it would have been for the kids and I to miss out on what exists between us today, a strong and united family, made possible only by my timely revival encouraged because of my wife’s understanding, tolerance, undiluted love and most importantly Gods special grace. So if you think you should, if you feel it in your heart, then go ahead and make that sacrifice today, sacrifice that pride and ego, it doesn’t make you less of a man or woman, it just confirms that you are the more matured one. willing to sacrifice for common good of your family. God reserves a special place for those who sacrifice – Sir Stanley Ekezie 

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21 comments

  1. Nice piece once again Stan, marriages are crashing daily for lack of knowledge. Kudos for laying it bare, am learning everyday

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  2. Wow, You just roused my emotions 😭😭😭. What a simple, sweet, straightforward and sincere post. May God bless your soul for acknowledging the role your wife played in shaping part of who you are today.

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  3. I really love this piece sir… We have to understand the fact that we and our spouses are from different backgrounds with different values, and it will take the grace of God, time and hard work to reach a balance. We just have to RESPECT our husbands through thick and thin, praying they love us too, and allow God do the rest. Wives yearn for—a humble husband admitting his mistakes and willing to correct them, and not a perfect man bc we are not perfect too. Thank you sir..

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  4. This is wonderful.
    This is lifting.
    This heals.
    You know am this type of guy who loves surprising people. I met my wife January 2016 and proposed to her the same day, to people it’s sounded weird, even to my wife but to me I knew what I wanted and I went for it. So in the past 13months we’ve been married, but trust me there are a lot of imperfections. What I love she hates and vice versa but at the end she always give in for me to be the man of the house. I don’t know but I sense she’s perfectly managing my pride and ego with the fear of God in her.

    This wonderful piece you wrote here have just confirmed to me how richly God can Bless us with wonderful spouses.

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  5. Yes indeed it takes two to be married but it takes just one person to make it work. I believe that’s the secret of marriage. May God continue to helps and guide us in our marriages.

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  6. God bless your lovely God fearing, epitome of the proverbs 31 wife.. I pray all wives strive to be like her and God himself will grant them their desires including the kind of husband they dream of..

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  7. Gosh! This post is so real and raw. Thank you Sir and Lady for being a shining example. A real shining example. God bless you! God bless you so much.

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  8. A good balance in marriage is achieved with A spirit soaked in the WORD. Love takes you into marriage but the WORD sustains you.A sacrificing man or woman is a living example of Christianity in action. It makes all the difference and blesses any relationship. May we never let go of this bread of life …. the WORD…she has the WORD close to her heart

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  9. awesome piece brother. May the good Lord in his infinite mercies continue to strengthen you in ur quest to ensure that marriages succeed.

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  10. Sir, indeed it takes two to tango. The dog says, you fall for me and I fall for you then it is a game. Marriage is a game of falls. A very big University of life, unfathomable, yet loving to those who understand it. My dearly beloved late father, was called Adaugo because of his beauty mark my Word beauty not handsomeness, fair stout and huge. My mom was black and has that African nose that seems to gope all the air and she has a very beautiful heart. Her beauty is very hidden and can only be noticed when she laughed and her gap teeth is seen. In appearance the duo look like the picture of beauty and beast. They quarrel alot but no one dare come between in the hit of the quarrel or else they face you, and the next minute they are laughing as if nothing has happened. What really baffles me is that when a visitor is coming even though they are having a face off, you see them posing as the best lovers in the world and then entertain the visitor. When there Visitor goes my father will come go his way. My mom same. When I came of age This attitude of theirs I could not fathom until I got married. Yes it is not a bed of roses as the saying goes. But you can get it working despite all odds. A time comes, it’s love, love, at other times it quarrel, at other times it seems you live me I go die Ooooh. Keep it up Stan you don’t know how many families you have wetted their marriage appetite and the up coming ones you have encouraged. More greace to your sweet lady’s elbow not getting her armpit.

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  11. Tnk u Sir for this piece, yes!!!! marriage is an institution, marital crisis is it’s exam, if u pass it , u step up to another level, which might be tougher.
    Always learning from u sir, more of God’s wisdom I pray for u.

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  12. Understanding and reasoning do not come from age but through wisdom, keep it up Sir Stanley Ekezie and the Lord almighty will strengthen you the more.

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  13. This is the the type of writing with dept advice that can reduce the rate of divorce in the country and elsewhere.

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  14. Thank you for the write up and for putting it straight.
    Nothing can be added or removed from it.
    It’s very encouraging and I pray for those who may be having issues get them resolved by reading this.
    A lot of people look forward to reading your piece.
    Just keep it up.
    God will straighten you and grant you more wisdom.

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