Adult by mistake

I went to the supermarket a few days ago, I ran into my daughter’s friend and what i saw made me wonder if we are not part of the problem our children have. I saw my daughters 15 year old friend with her mother, the little girl had human hair, heavy makeup on, I mean all the works, foundation, trimmed eye brows, long lashes, long nails and red lipstick, she had on a very short skirt and an iPhone 6 in hand, believe it or not she had a Gucci bag to compliment the dressing. This already big 15 year old was thus transformed into a young adult and could have easily passed for a 23 year old. This has to be another form of child abuse.

Shortly afterwards I heard shouting in one of the aisles and I moved to see what was going on, and behold this girls mother was screaming to high heavens at a young man, probably in his 30s who had cornered the 15 year old in an obvious attempt to get her number. the woman was screaming at this young man telling him that her daughter is only 15, calling him a pedophile and all other unprintable names.

I was surprised that she blamed the young man, when she was the one who put her daughter on display, she transformed this little girl into a 23 year old woman who had the looks of an available young woman but lacks the requisite intelligence required to ward off predators like the young man. The mother has also set a trap for men who will approach the little girl oblivious of her real age, it is possible also that this 15 year old may lie to the men about her real age with her mum inadvertently backing the lie by allowing her dress like an adult.

A father’s role is to protect all his children especially his daughters, it is your responsibility as a father to ensure that you hand over your daughter to her future husband as intact as you can manage to keep her. A woman may not know what drives men, but being a man yourself, you do, so it is up to you to ensure that you do not release your daughter to the dogs our there in the name of trend. This will be someone’s wife some day, for her and future husband’s benefit, we should endeavor to teach them modesty, simplicity and humility, essential virtues she will need to take to her matrimonial home.

This is a trend that has become so rampant these days, mothers are in hurry to transform their teenage daughters into young adults and the father are doing nothing to protect these little girls. It is bad enough that these kids are usually already fully endowed at a very young age. We should be careful what we expose them to, we should not rob them of their childhood by foisting on them adult adornments and toys.

I hear some women say they are friends with their daughters, in as much as I want to disagree with that notion because I believe good friendships are age appropriate, however, I will reluctantly agree because I don’t think effective control can can be achieved While in friends mode, I am probably just old fashioned. It may be possible to be friends with your teenage daughters, you must however know where to draw the line, unlike conventional friendships you must put aside the friendship and attempt to discipline them when they break rules.

Familiarity breeds contempt, so good luck with attempting to wield the big stick when you get stuck in the friend zone with the child. I don’t know how possible it is to be a good friend and a good mother at the same time, how can you control her when she misbehaves, how can you get the respect and fear required to put her in check when she wears what you wear and talks about what you talk about? There is a saying that if your teenage daughters love you, then you are not doing something right. They usually hate their mothers guts during their teenage years. It is their time to experiment with everything, some of them you will resist and this will definitely pitch you against them.

Proms and graduations can be exempted, this are special occasions and the child can be allowed to be an adult for a day, making it a habit or a way of life at a very young age is dangerous. They have enough time in future for all the makeup and human hair they can wear. What happens if by sheer bad luck you are unable to provide the human hair and Gucci bag tomorrow, have you not succeeded is setting that little girl up for a wayward life; once she gets used to these expensive things, she will definitely want them at all costs.

Ensure you don’t have vain conversations with or before your teenage daughters, discussing men, designer bags, shoes, fashion, human hair is not of any intellectual value to the child, occupy their minds with lessons from the holy scriptures, virtue, family, loving one another, helping the less privileged and the need to work hard to help others and also enjoy the good things in life.

Proverbs 22:6 says train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Fathers, pls be the wise moderators in your homes, a woman may be idealistic and a little carried away, always nudge her back to reality, resist any attempt to turn your teenage daughters into premature adults, it is your responsibility to protect them knowing what is out there – Sir Stanley Ekezie

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21 comments

  1. There is no other thing to add because this write up vividly captured the values we are gradually loosing…let us save and preserve our children’s tomorrow before it becomes late

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  2. You’re very right brother, some parents don’t know that children are to be raised in the way they should go according to God’s word but rather they raise them in their own general way and cravings of their children. Keep the ministrations on,parents will definitely gain wisdom from it and do the needful.

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  3. That was poor parenting skills oftentimes, we put our children especially the female gender in harm’s way like she indirectly did. It’s all about inculcating morals at early age of a child. I don’t have much blame for the randy guy but the girl’s mother for doing such a poor parenting job.

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  4. Thank you once again for enlightening us mothers. Most times we assume we are on the right track but doing the wrong things.

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  5. Thanks so much sir..I hope we mothers should learn. .u cant buy some words with money..may God continue to bless ur wisdom.

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  6. Nice write up sir.we need something on how to train the boys, many boys who aren’t well trained are also becoming irresponsible husbands and fathers, I always love reading your write ups.God bless you @ Ekezie Stan

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  7. Nice write up sir.we need something on how to train the boys, many boys who aren’t well trained are also becoming irresponsible husbands and fathers, I always love reading your write ups.God bless you @ Ekezie Stan

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I got mixed reactions to this write up, while it’s sad that our value system are going down the toilet as can be seen in teenage behaviour in our society today, there’s nothing wrong being your child’s friend & confidant in one of the most difficult stages of life- teenage years. Some parents get it wrong as told in this piece, but being a great friend to your child, gaining their trust, guiding them, knowing their friends & families, having open & real discussions with them to know where their heads at is very crucial.. being their friend doesn’t stop you from being a parent which includes laying down the rules of acceptable behavior in the home & out of it, having them disciplined when they misbehave and getting them on the right track when they slide. I had that with my Mom, she’s my best friend & confidant all, but she’s no pushover when it comes to enforcing her rules, I did not apply makeup, nail Polish or permed by hair till I was through with secondary school, I had no boyfriend till I was an undergraduate in the University and i knew late night was a No No with her as well.. I knew her Dos & Don’ts and I strive never to disappoint her nor betray our trust …that being said, it’s the Parents(Dads & Moms) duty to raise their children & inculcate great values/principles in them and build them to be great men and women in future, anything contrary is a failure of the parents..

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    1. Thank you for this wonderful write-up!

      Same thing goes for the male children as well. The male child needs to be properly groomed so that they don’t end up as irresponsible fathers! Just like what we have in Nigerian society nowadays!

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  9. Very well scripted post Sir, Thank you. It’s indeed sad that mothers and sometimes fathers inadvertently put their children in harms way by commission or omission.
    But on the issue of being your child’s friend i beg to differ. Like Ify said, trust is very crucial if a teenager is going to let you into his/her world.This takes friendship developed over time. It’s this access that helps the parent guide the child/teen through fears, myths etc especially as they are exposed to smart gadgets, and of course peers who themselves are mostly not well informed. I’m priviledged to be a children/teen church teacher and can say that a whole lot of parents have no inkling as to what goes on in their children’s lives.
    I would say correct, discipline but be a friend to your child.

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  10. Very true!!! But if I may say, a lady friend of mine who has 2 daughters…they are obviously young teenagers and u wnt believe how dz little girls wear fashion rings, fleek makeup, long lashes, designer bags, human hair ,short skimpy gown, long nails etc
    And dz lady frnd of mine makes provision for all of dat and wen I
    playfully made a statement dat dey where to young fr all dz…she replied me nd said dat she doesn’t want any man to deceive them out there and she wants them to be confident and free from any insecurity or complex…So Sir Stan Ekezie…wat wld u say to dz..is she correct…bcos most mothers ave dz same reasons nd yet still discpline deir kids wen need be

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  11. Vanity is insatiable, once a child is exposed, she will always want more. If she is led to believe that she needs the make up, human hair etc to be beautiful, low self esteem will naturally follow. The mother would have achieved the opposite of what she set out to achieve.

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  12. Wonderful piece Sir and highly commendable. Some teenagers of this era are really something else and more annoying is how most of we parents are high contributors to this wildness,, all in the name of trend and “belong ” mentality. We are on a fast track era quite alright but we still have the tools as parents to help them slow down, irrespective of what our society says. God knows a time like this will come so he already cautioned us to train them in the way they should go. I can remember back in Nigeria during my single days a birthday party of a child i attended in Festac town, left with so much anger in me. The sights there, both mothers and children wasn’t one to reckon with at all. It was a public show of who has a better skin as it was all barely covered. Now imagine such a scene , the message it must have left with kids and people encountering such sight for the first time. May God help us parents of this dispensation to do what’s right for our kids, as the change we desire starts from families.

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