I have often wondered what type of demon will posses a woman and push her to leave her own husbands house and invade another woman’s home just because she is married to her son or brother. The sheer hypocrisy and double standards is shameful. A close look will most definitely reveal that some of these women are not better than the wives they are fighting. They are probably doing what they are fighting against or even worse in their own husband’s houses. I have often said that the greatest problem a woman has is another woman, the biggest hindrance to the emancipation of women from gender inequality, societal dogmas and abuse is the role of women against each other, the inability to stand together to fight for a common cause is evident in their aggression against each other. Under normal circumstances, shouldn’t a mother Inlaw or sister Inlaw be sympathetic to the problems of a fellow woman? Instead it is the fathers and brothers Inlaw who sometimes come to the defence of an embattled wife.
These women become hostile and unfriendly sometimes for no reason at all, constantly planning and scheming against her on a daily basis and trying to destroy a seemingly happy couple’s relationship. What they don’t know is that the wives are not the only victims here, they are also putting the man under intense pressure because when a woman is embattled in her home and feels her husband is not protecting her, she begins to fight, disrespect and resent him and rightfully so too. Who wouldn’t? A woman leaves her home, parents and siblings and becomes a part of yours, she is already outnumbered if it boils down to supporting blood relations, ideally you as the husband should be her last line of defence. So when you throw her under the bus, you have failed her as a husbandRegrettably some women also give unlimited access to their families especially their mothers to influence what happens in her home, this is your matrimonial home and not your mothers or fathers, if you give them that access, you are the proverbial foolish women proverbs 31 tells us destroys her home instead of building it. As long as there is no physical abuse, keep your family out of your home, a woman’s pride is her husband, if you let them rubbish your pride, you will definitely be next to be scorned. Gods intention when he established the institution of marriage and the home is very clear. “Have you not read, “that he who made them in the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh? So that they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Mark 10:9.
Any man who lets his mother or sisters or any Inlaw invade his house to harass or disrespect his wife in any form is a weakling, you are also being disrespected and disregarded in the process. You cannot claim to be the head of the family with your tail between your legs and expect her to submit to you, will you even submit to yourself in this situation?. Kings are respected because they protect their territory and their subjects. No matter her offence and regardless of her character, protect her in public and chastise her only in the privacy of your matrimonial bedroom, it is not only an arena for making babies, it is also a family court were disputes are resolved. it is your responsibility to caution her and not your family’s. If your family must get involved in your affairs, they should tow the line of reconciliation, being fair and apportioning blames In love and respect as they would do their own daughter. The couple is of age and responsible for their individual actions, apportion blame where necessarily and do not cast aspersions on anyone, do not unnecessarily damage your relationship with your son or daughter Inlaw because of a disagreement, work to restore peace and stability in their home.
I personally will never tolerate anyone, my parents, siblings or any member of my family disrespecting my wife for any reason whatsoever. I know for sure that because of the love and respect they have for me, and because they know I will never ever support any attack against her they will never even raise their voice at her not to talk of abuse, physical or verbal. If there is an issue, no matter how serious, they complain to me and leave me to sort it out. That is true respect. My parents and my siblings who are older than her are allowed to offer wise counsel where necessary, but the rule of engagement must be “approach with caution, consideration and compassion” I come from a very enlightened family, to even get my parents to come to my house is a struggle, when they manage to come, they do not take over the house, they respect my wife because they know the house is more of hers than mine. So the few times they correct her, she takes it willingly without complain. If the reverse is the case, she will switch to self defence mode and that is the beginning of the problem. We also respect boundaries and proudly maintain a cordial relationship with our siblings’ spouses. That is the right thing to do and you can do the same and stand by your wife to earn her love and respect. A wise person knows that your immediate family becomes your spouse and children, anyone outside that circle is an outsider in the marriage. – Sir Stanley Ekezie