During courtship, every man and woman reveals their true character, they consciously or unconsciously show you what your married life will be through their behaviour. Unfortunately some of us fail to notice this exposure, even when we notice, we ignore the warning signs hoping that we can manage or it will get better with time, hoping the person will change for good after marriage.
People pretend and put up fronts in relationships generally and during courtships in particular, but every now and then the real person behind the mask is exposed and you can see them for who they are. Do not ignore today anything you think might be a problem tomorrow, whatever you don’t like now you will not like in a thousand years. If he or she is abusive now, they will be abusive always, it may take a while for that to happen, when you have annoyed them as you will most definitely do, they will revert to the old habit and may resort to physical abuse. If the man is a womanizer or the woman is a serial cheat, if he is an alcoholic, night crawler etc, these habits die hard, it takes the special grace of God for a total turn around if any. Except the person becomes truly born again you may have to live with these vices and all it’s consequences for the rest of your life. Do not chase anyone who is unwilling to settle, you will keep chasing them once you make them get used to being chased. Do not let anyone manipulate you into thinking that something is wrong with you or you are not good enough, if aren’t good enough, he/she won’t be with you or propose to marry you. Some people have to intimidate you to create a false illusion of their own inadequate personality. Resist this, be confident in your own skin, it makes you look more attractive.
It is possible to get someone to marry you out of pity, this happens when you have tried too hard and the person though indifferent decides to marry you out of pity, this may not hold for a long time because pity is a temporary emotion which fades away once the action for which you were pitied gets resolved which in this case is marrying you. He/she feels that by marrying you, they have done you a great favor, His or her heart is not with you and may never be, this is a recipe for disaster.
Do not marry under pressure, wait for the right time and the right person, keep your eye on the ball and choose who is right for you. Everyone’s timing is different, It doesn’t matter how soon you marry, it doesn’t matter that you are the last of your friends to marry, what really matters is how well you marry. In choosing your spouse, ensure that you focus on inner beauty rather than outward beauty and ‘swag’, do not choose wealth over love and care because when you have tasted the wealth you will become bored and start to crave the love and care which you had previously sacrificed for money, you will end up being miserable for the rest of your married life. Choose a man or woman who adores you, someone who is ready to do anything for you. Being treated well is your right, it’s not a special privilege, it is a basic necessity which everyone deserves to get in a relationship/marriage.
Choose with the future in mind, marriage is not courtship, you cannot go in and out of it at the drop of a hat, it requires real thought and scrutiny before you choose a life partner. Contrary to what people say, husbands and wives are not scarce, they are everywhere, they may not be that hot babe or bloke you are looking for, they may not be that rich and stylish man or that beautiful successful girl remember that good things come is small packages.
That man you are using as a standard for your future husband was chosen by a wise woman when he was nothing, he had no money, no style no swag, she saw prospects in him, married him and they built and achieved together. The woman you admire and wish to marry her type was once an ordinary girl, she was not a babe, had no style, she was probably too religious and bush. She was noticed and chosen by a wise man who made her into the goddess she is today. Open you eyes and your mind, be attentive to that little glimpse of the true character of the person you want to marry, though they usually go to great lengths to hide it, confusing you with superficial things like money, gifts and fake acts of romance, it will definitely show once in a while, you just have to be wise to read the hand writing on the wall.
The criteria for choosing a husband and a wife are completely different from choosing someone to date. You can gamble in dating because you have an option to back out, in marriage your mistakes are always permanent. Be warned, that behaviour you have noticed today and chosen to ignore and overlook because of momentary gain or gratification will tomorrow hunt you in marriage. choose wisely – Sir Stanley Ekezie