My last article generated a lot of controversy about submission, I will like to clarify my position on this. Some people have assumed that I encourage women not to submit, I don’t , some even say I am pro women, why not, apart from my wife being a woman, I have daughters, sisters, Aunts, cousins, nieces and a mother, all women, so it’s in order for me to be pro women. I am not a fan of feminism or male chauvinism, I am pro marriage, i believe in gender equality, I believe that there is nothing my son can achieve that my three little girls cannot, I believe the world is naturally evolving into one where women and men will have equal opportunities in almost all areas of life. Gradually men and women are switching roles and doing it well too, as time goes on the only identifiable difference will be our genitals, even that will be called into question sooner or later.

Some of us have totally misunderstood the concept of submission the way God intended it. We have understood it to mean tyranny, suppression and oppression of our women. God hates slavery and injustice therefore he could not have meant submission to be a term for enslaving women. My understanding is that submission means obedience and respect for your husband remaining chaste and preserving your virtue for him, praising him and praying for him always; even these have to be earned by the husband and not imposed, it must be given freely by the woman. We have erroneously assumed that a woman can be cajoled or forced into submission, this is totally false, what you get is false submission; she can never truly and honestly submit if she doesn’t do it willingly and happily. if you think you can forcefully bring a woman to submission, wait until you become physically weak with age or sickness, wait until you run into financial crisis. Wait until she becomes financially independent, wait until someone else offers her the love she so desperately lacks, then you will understand the true meaning of “Heaven has no rage like Love to Hatred turned, nor Hell a fury like a Woman scorned” When we rule our household like tyrants we forget that power is transient, we forget that tomorrow we might find ourselves in a position where we expect the women to care for us, and stand by us, how she reacts tomorrow depends on how you have treated her today. Remember also that the children are watching you molest their mother and will take it out on you in future. A lot of men have been abandoned in old age because of this. Instead of fighting for submission we should work towards gaining her Love, friendship and affection, these are the necessary condiments that make a successful relationship. Some of us that are at least trying our best to do the right thing (not sure we are doing enough) are labelled weak, woman wrapper etc, I totally disagree, I am not weak neither am I a dictator at home, I don’t impose my will on my family, yet I am the head of my household respected by all as ordained by God and acknowledged by my wife and children. I arrived here through sacrifice for all, compassionate in leadership, Democratic in approach.

Some men argue that the woman must submit first before she is loved, we are the head of the family and must take the lead on this one and love our wives first. Let us play our role of leadership and let women follow as usual. We cannot choose to be head only when it suits our purpose and expect women to lead when it doesn’t, this is double standards. It is assumed that we love a woman enough to marry her, if this is correct where did that love go? Why then should we make our love conditional, why should we have to wait for her to submit before loving her if we already love her. When there is love ab initio, the issue of submission before love does not arise. If you insist on submission before love, you are in a loveless marriage and this is the real problem and not whether she submits or not. The ideal thing is that the woman is cared for, cherished and loved to willingly submit. A man should first of all earn the respect and love of his wife, a woman who loves you can do anything for you, including submitting to you without question. We love and submit to the authority of our Lord and Master Jesus Christ because of his Love and ultimate sacrifice for us, it is this Love and sacrifice that inspires us to Love Him so dearly, that on its own is a symbol of how things should be. We are followers of Christ and all throughout our existence here on earth we aspire to be Christlike, we should emulate this symbolic love Jesus has for us which is in line with his word in Ephesians 5 Vs 25 ” Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” Jesus himself has not demanded that we submit and obey his laws or be born again before he loves us, regardless of our numerous sins he loves us unconditionally.

There are however exceptions to the ideal situation, It is true that some women are rude, callous and irresponsible, they hide under the feminist mantra, playing the perfect victim. When the man resists her stubbornness, he is labelled a bully and a male chauvinist. If you have a woman who falls into this category, ignore her effort to draw you into a confrontation, be prayerful, be patient, Remember what the bible says in 1 Peter 3:7 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” You have a lot to loose spiritually by being mean and bitter to her. Be kind, she will burn herself out and your vindication will come sooner or later, do not respond in like manner, two wrongs definitely do not make a right. Remember when two elephants fight, the grass suffers, the grass in this case represents your children. – Sir Stanley Ekezie