Sensible limits 

Proverb 14:1 says “A wise woman builds her home but by her own hands the foolish one tears hers apart” this is so true. I have dealt extensively with the need for men to love their wives unconditionally as instructed in the scriptures, however in order to achieve this, the enabling environment must be created. A good number of women have converted their homes into war zones, they have carelessly left gaps in their home for others to infiltrate, left emotional vacuums for the other women to fill and become relevant. It is very difficult for a man to live with and love a recalcitrant women, a woman who derides him and shows an obstinately uncooperative attitude. (Proverbs 21:19) says “It is Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. (Proverbs 27: 15-16) says “A continual dripping on a rainy day and a contentious wife are alike. Trying to keep her in check is like stopping a wind storm or grabbing oil with your right hand”

Agitation for equality is commendable, it is encouraged but it should not be a reason to stand up to and challenge your husband on every issue. A wise woman should be a lioness outside and a lamb at home. Men acknowledge women as the weaker vessel, his first instincts most times is to treat her fairly and delicately, this however changes very rapidly when she begins to challenge him, the man starts seeing her as an equal and moves to defend himself and his territory, this usually ends with him being mean, callous and brutal like he will do when fighting an equal. There is usually one thing on his mind, to win. This lust for victory robs him of all common sense and you may have by your own hand and making created a live in monster.

Every man loves authority, this is not of his own making, it is purely as a result of the circumstance of his creation and/or birth. God put man in charge of the household from the beginning of time ( 1 Corinthians 11:3) Genesis 3:16, Everyman who reads the Bible knows this, even those who don’t also know and will quote these verses on submission at every chance they get, it is written in plain language that a woman should submit to her husband like she will submit to the Lord. I have previously argued that a man should love his wife to submission, while this for me is the ideal situation, there are instances where the woman makes it extremely difficult for the man to love her. Some women are very confrontational and rude, they are so badly bred that they invoke in the man the deepest level of irritation which eventually leads to hatred and then abuse. For such women the man insist on submission as a way of controlling his home and instilling orderliness and discipline. When a man’s ego is trashed, even the most responsible and kindest of men will do everything possible to save face, this may include high handedness and autocratic tendencies at home.

It is important for every woman to learn the art of massaging her husbands ego to obtain favors from him. Women who have mastered this age long art, are known to possess total control over their men. They are in the class of women who are erroneously and ignorantly assumed to have bewitched their husbands, on the contrary, they have simply mastered the art of stooping to conquer. The truth is, a man doesn’t really want the power or control, he just wants to know that his wife does not challenge his claim to it. Give it to him willingly, like the child he is, he will hold onto it for a few days, totally forgetting why he wanted it in the first place, forgets that he even had it and then abandon it for you without a whisper. When you observe the hierarchy of leadership in most homes, you will notice that true power lies with the wise woman who will usually gently and reverently nudge her husband to whichever direction she chooses, making it publicly known that it was his decision, this appeases his ego and she is free to reign without challenge. All a man needs is the public acknowledgement of his leadership position and authority.

Whatever you do, never ever challenge him in public or before his children, this makes him a wounded lion who will stop at nothing to reclaim his honour. Instil in the children the respect and fear of their father, Make them see that you love, respect and fear the man even if you don’t, it is for their own good and will serve as a deterrent in future when they are tempted to stray. You definitely cannot play the traditional and spiritual role of the man, you need him for the emotional balance of your children. If he is late or too irresponsible to play this role, God will provide a father figure for the children to look up to. This is very important for the development of the children.

A woman should have a voice, she should have an opinion, she must challenge her husband on issues affecting the family, but in putting these forward, it is important to watch your husbands temperament, if he is vehemently insisting on doing something you know is totally unreasonable, back off and let the argument rest, trust me, he knows he is being unreasonable too, his ego just needs to win the argument. If you keep up the argument, you will push him to make the mistake just to prove to you that what he says must stand, so the sooner you back away from the argument, the easier it is for you to have your way later. We just want the power, we absolutely have no need for it. If you understand these hard truths, you will learn that it is possible to never insistently oppose your husband and still end up getting everything you want from him without an argument. Finally do not listen to other women who boast about how they control their husbands at home by being tough and stubborn, chances are that they are lying, they may be docile and obedient at home and hot headed in public, if you listen to them and practice what they preach you will be emulating a situation that is non existent and will definitely have real problems at home. Be feminine, be calm, be patient, be polite and add a few tears when necessary, it melts a mans heart and reminds him that you are the woman and must be treated with Love, compassion, dignity, affection and respect. – Sir Stanley Ekezie

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