A lot of people have made comments which has led me to believe that they think I have had it easy in marriage, probably because of the way I write. Unfortunately or fortunately depending on your perspective; I haven’t, My wife and I have had our fair share of quarrels and disagreements, some of which threatened the very foundation of our marriage; but because we have God, love, tolerance and understanding we always emerge stronger and closer with a renewed resolve each time to stay happily together until death do us part.
We have always reminded ourselves that since we are in this until the end, it will be foolish not to create a happy environment for each other and the kids. I don’t know what tomorrow holds for us, but one thing is for sure, we will try to keep our promise to each other that we will not let any issues derail our journey.
I am not perfect, I have made mistakes and will probably make more, the important thing is to realise when you have erred and genuinely ask your spouse for forgiveness. This is extremely difficult for some men, but If you can be man enough to kneel and propose to your wife, you should be an even bigger man to go on two knees and ask for forgiveness when you know you have hurt her. I have done it, and it doesn’t make my wife respect me less, I’d rather beg, be forgiven and be happy than be stubborn and end up miserable. Playing “the macho man head of the family” card when you know you are wrong creates an irreparable damage which if allowed to go on will ultimately destroy even the closest couple.
After I got married 17 years ago, the first thing I did in my ignorance was to immediately crown myself the undisputed king and master of my household and demand total submission from my wife. She resisted initially, but being properly groomed, kind hearted and in love, she submitted totally. I was elated, finally I have secured my kingdom. One month, two months, three months, I became bored and lonely at the top, I suddenly realized that I have lost my voice of reason and my adviser. I quickly moved to remedy the situation, but my wife had become very good and comfortable at submitting, I became miserable. It took many months to get her back to a point where she can again fearlessly oppose me on issues, but with a subtle reverence.
Gentlemen, one of the biggest mistakes a man will make is to marry a woman who will sheepishly submit to your whims and caprices. A woman who will never oppose you or have an opinion, a woman who is too afraid of you to speak out, The day this happens is the day you become doomed to fail. A wife is the only person who knows the real you, therefore she will give genuine advise because your failure or success is hers as well. If she has kids for you, it makes her more passionate when protecting your interests because by extension she is protecting her children’s future.
A woman is very analytical, intuitive and possesses the best character profiling abilities. I have a habit of inviting people I want to do business with home so that my wife can scan for possible hidden threats, she is almost never wrong. The few times my ego blinded me to the veracity of her advise, I made terrible mistakes which I have had to deal with to date. Listen to her always, it will save you a great deal.
Your wife is not the enemy, when you exert too much energy fighting her at home, where will you find the strength to fight your many daily battles out there. Your home must be a heaven of peace to ensure good health, happiness and maximum productivity for both of you. It is completely okay to disagree or quarrel, how you emerge from these disagreements is what makes the difference between sadness and Joy.
You are the man, she knows this, she also knows you are physically stronger, she may not tell you, she accepts that you are the head of the family, so you don’t have anything to prove to her. She will still nag, accuse you or disagree with you unnecessarily sometimes, all she needs is reassurances of your love and commitment to her.
Your patience will be tested, as the leader you must teach by example and remain calm always, avoid being drawn into arguments so that both of you won’t say things you will regret later. Remember physical injuries may heal, but verbal scars last a lifetime, when she throws tantrums or becomes annoyingly unreasonable, treat her like a daughter who doesn’t know what she is doing, caution and correct in love.
There is a reason you chose her over all the others keep this in mind always. You can always get a woman to do whatever you want but you have to be patient, avoid fashioning your request to look like an order, pamper her first , show her love, then ask with a smile, she is all yours – Sir Stanley Ekezie