Sex and marriage 

A good number of marriages have reached an unfortunate and often unexpected plateau in their love lives, they are at that stage where everything is stagnant, the passion, sex and friendship all seem not to be getting progressively better as expected. Some couples who seem to be having the best marriages are also lacking in this department. The level of nonchalance when it comes to romance and sex in some marriages today is troubling, some of these marriages have been battered by time and events, so much that they feel it is now acceptable for them to live as platonic housemates who have a common interest in their children. This shouldn’t be, the children should not be the only reason why a couple decides to be together; love, romance, happiness and the enjoyment of each other’s company are also important.

If there is no concerted effort towards the revival, restoration and rebuilding what probably was once a vibrant relationship, how can such a marriage withstand a major issue. If they get to the point where they decide to coexist peacefully and play their traditional roles in what now becomes a business relationship, yes, this is what it now becomes, it is like being in prison for life. It is not impossible to reverse this situation, it takes hard work, commitment and determination. It is the love, romance, sex, passion and not only the money and gifts that make it possible for a woman to live happily with her husband, fulfilling her role as a good and submissive wife. Lack of sex in marriage is a warning signal that love has taken flight and the couple is gradually growing apart, a man is most vulnerable to who he is sleeping with, she controls him indirectly so if his wife is not that person, she has limited control. A woman who is not getting her fair share of sex is like a keg of gun powder on top of a burning stove, it is only a matter of time before it explodes, this makes it extremely important to work towards rekindling your love and sex life for sanity and emotional balance and most importantly to avoid the imminent implosion of your marriage.

Being married is definitely not being marred, you cannot let yourself go and expect him to still be attracted to you, you must maintain a good physical appearance always to keep him longing for you. Regardless of what we say for fear of appearing shallow, men are typically visual, what we see drives us, we instinctively and positively react to anything that catches our fancy. Why put on your best dresses, shoes, nicely done hair and makeup only when you go out, meanwhile at home you look so unkept that it becomes difficult to differentiate you from the maid; Shouldn’t you be dressing up primarily for your husband? find out what he likes and dress to impress him. Do not roam around the house looking like a homeless destitute, these images register in his subconscious, so make sure you dress to seduce him everyday. Even when you dress down at home, be sure to look sexy and well put together always. Let whatever he saw in you, your style, carriage, elegance be always present. So put on your best lingerie, douse a sensual perfume and show him that you’ve still got it. Don’t be shy or feel you are trying too hard, why wouldn’t you, it is yours and you should demand for it whenever you want and also give it to him when he wants it – 1st Corinthians 7: 3 says “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband”. Do not be a symbol of problems, be an object of desire. Avoid being too wifey, SEDUCE him, let your guard down, be adventurous, be innovative, remember you were a babe once and should continue being one in and outside the bedroom. He never stopped liking all those naughty things you used to do to/with him when you were dating, he misses them. Make an effort to discover his weakness, his mumu button, if you haven’t done so already, it is a potent weapon in your hands and must be guarded jealously.

We should remember that the wife has blood running through her veins also, a woman needs love just like you, don’t let her go without it for long, someone is going to help you give it to her. If you must go against biblical warnings and it’s implications and keep a woman outside, that is your choice and not hers, you should be man enough to muster the energy required to also perform optimally at home, it is unfair to let your mistakes shortchange her and deprive her of her conjugal rights. Be informed that sex without love is meaningless to her, be passionate and loving to ensure physical and emotional satisfaction. Keeping a sexually unsatisfied woman is like sleeping with a tiger, no matter how tamed she is, you must feed her regularly, if not, it will be only a matter of time before she devours you. Statistics show that lack of love and sexual satisfaction is one of the highest culprits in female infidelity, don’t expose her unnecessarily. Don’t think because she is married she is broken and no longer likes sex or is unable to perform acrobatics, you have no idea the wealth of experience she has gained. Women are like fine wine, they get better with age and only the matured and noble are able to savour the taste. When she seduces you be receptive, open your eyes and see those things that attracted you to her ab initio, they are still there. what ever you do, do not make derogatory statements about her physical appearance or compare her with someone else, she won’t forget and it makes it difficult for her to be passionate with you. Unlike us a woman is more emotional than physical, talk to her nicely, soften her with gifts, take her out on dates, dinners, movies, getaway together once in a while and keep that desire and passion alive. She wasn’t a nag before you married her, she wasn’t always this quarrelsome person, she was probably a loving and happy woman; you wonder why even after all the money you spend on her she is never satisfied, what do you think is wrong?, it is the lack of romance, a woman loves the romance and sex as well as the money, maybe even more but she will not tell you or complain about it for fear of being judged or labeled a nympho. Sometimes she just misses the man she married, show her you are still there because when you become too carefree, it makes her feel she is no longer beautiful and attractive, rather than complain verbally, she nags. Don’t let her whine any longer, wine her instead and dine her too, look at her with passion and lust make her feel whole again. Proverb 5:19 says “A lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love”

There is also the problem of familiarity syndrome, men and women are guilty of this. when you have been with your spouse for years, you may begin to take the romance for granted, you start seeing them as relations rather than lovers , “see finish syndrome” this happens when you let the nonchalance linger for too long. This can creep into any relationship if you do not take steps to keep the romance alive , it is a very difficult position to recover from. Keep your love and sex life at the forefront always, be adventurous, be bold, be spontaneous, this keeps the fire of desire burning. It is also very possible to friend zone your spouse, resist the temptation to do so, you are lovers first before friendship, you are not platonic friends neither are you related, you are married and sex is one of the fringe benefits of marriage. So snap out of it and go get some – Sir Stanley Ekezie

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