It takes two to ruin a marriage/relationship

It is natural in times of marriage or relationship issues for couples to blame each other, Friends and relations, but in their selfish appraisal of the origin, remote and immediate cause of their problems, they conveniently absolve the real culprits, themselves. It is impossible for anyone or anything to cause problems in your relationship if you don’t let them. When a divorce, breakup or separation happens, you are both culpable and complicit. The degree of culpability may vary depending on the issue.

Apart from physical abuse which can cause death no matter how mild, there is no such thing as an unforgivable sin in a relationship or marriage. If you wrong your spouse, you have created and enabling environment for trouble and if you fail to forgive, no matter how grievous the offence is and whether or not they ask for forgiveness, you are an accomplice and cannot be held blameless in what happens from then on. It is never a Sophie’s choice situation, you have choices, one will keep the relationship/marriage intact, the other will destroy it. Ensure the choice you make is in your own best interest.

We must stop using other people’s models to judge our relationships. Marriage or relationship advise are just models to guide you, they are not cast in stone, every individual is different, and so is their relationship. So many people will be willing to forgive their spouse when they sin, but because of the various models, relationships/marriage quotes, inspirational materials, public opinion and peer pressure, they are forced to play to the gallery and end very promising relationships over matters which forgiveness and understanding would have resolved.

The success or failure of a relationship rests solely on the two people who are in it. You are the ones wearing the shoes, you know where it hurts the most. It is possible for one person to want or benefit more from a relationship, if you fall into this category, then do whatever it takes to make it work regardless of the norm or public opinion. If you walk away, the only person you are hurting more is you.

I have realised that most people become vindictive when ending a relationship, even when they are more emotionally invested in it, it is like picking up hot charcoal with bare hands with the intention of throwing it at a person and inflicting injury, in the process of picking up the hot charcoal, aiming and throwing, you are getting burnt, you may miss or hit your target, one thing is certain, you will get burnt longer and more severely.

So think of yourself, your happiness and your welfare before you thrown in the towel. Even when you seek advise, tell the person everything including how you truly feel about your spouse, their advise will be based solely on the information you share, being economical with facts will certainly lead to advise which if followed may end up hurting you. At the end of the day, your conscience is your best adviser, thread carefully and honestly, it is about your happiness, comfort, peace of mind and emotional health – Sir Stanley Ekezie

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Sir Stanley Ekezie - Relationship blues and bliss

Determined to make a positive impact on people's lives by putting forward unbiased truths about relationships and marriage. These truths have been acquired from my 17 years experience in marriage and the experiences of my parents and other people around me.

One thought on “It takes two to ruin a marriage/relationship”

  1. You are right, Sir Stan, to a reasonable extent. But sometimes, it takes one partner to ruin a relationship, not two. There is an Igbo proverb that says “umu nwanyi towe, onwu di aguwa ya” which literarily means that when a woman’s children become grown, she begins to dream (and in some cases scheme) to become a widow. While this may not be the same in every marriage, it is what happens in most marriages. Very rarely these days do you find a couple who want to stay together for the rest of their lives once their children are adjudged “capable”. In some cases, the children themselves are the ones who try in many ways to break up the marriage erronously believing they would do better when they lose their parents. It can all, as usual, be blamed on “the devil”. But the admonitions are all there in the Bible. So, while in some cases, one of the partners can insist on a breakup to have his or her freedom as in the case of a man who insists on separation because he will be financially more stable living separately from his wife or a woman who wants to enjoy the children’s money alone, it largely depends on the couple to evolve a way to halt whatever or whoever comes between them, if their marriage must last the test of time. My take is that it takes two to build a relationship and only one to ruin it. I may be wrong.


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