A man contacted me a few days ago, he was so distraught. He complained that his marriage is falling apart and he cannot even point to any particular reason why they have grown so apart and suddenly have nothing in common. He asked what he can do to make things right and get his relationship with his wife back on track.
This was my response
Do not let yourselves sink to the level where all that holds you together is making a living, taking care of the bills and the children. Learn to nurture your love, even if you are not expressive, let it show by the way you communicate and do things together. Resist the temptation of returning evil for evil, if you do, you will end up creating a continuous chain of evil in your home. The negativity created in the process will destroy your family including the children for whom you have worked very hard to train. Whatever your spouses shortcomings may be, love them, even if it is not reciprocated, love them even more, love begets love, and by loving you attract love and peace of mind to yourself.
It is easy to begin to take each other granted after a few years in marriage. The believe that you are already married and stuck with each other for life may lead some to believe that their is no need to do things to impress your spouse. You must understand that courting is a continuous thing in a relationship, you must continue doing those things which endeared you to them. Changing may generate a reciprocal change in attitude which may lead to serious disagreements.
Most people believe that their family and children are more important than their spouse, this is a very serious misconception. At the end of it all, what you will have is each other. Your siblings will marry and face their own families, your children will grown up, marry and go away in pursuit of their own lives and careers, if you have destroyed your relationship, you will end up living like two strangers who out of loneliness and boredom will keep chasing their kids around and possibly destroying their homes by interfering in their affairs. When you create a happy home, the kids wherever they go will always want to come back home to rejuvenate in the well of happiness you have built for them.
The company you keep goes a long way to determining who you are and how you behave. Ensure you surround yourself with people who are positive and genuinely interested in your happiness. They are the ones whose opinion you will seek from time to time, their sincerity of purpose will make or destroy your relationship. Spend time with people in happy and healthy relationships, you will draw strength from their success story and learn a lot from them. Staying close to them will open your eyes to the blissful happiness you experience when you have peace at home.
Acting as if your spouse’s happiness is more important than yours goes a long way to reassuring them that you love and care about them. In doing this, ensure that it is not based on how they treat you. In good or bad situations, do good, never let someone else’s shortcomings change your caring disposition. Doing it “SINCERELY” will creat an atmosphere of gratitude and love and in most cases your efforts will be reciprocated. It is only a devil who will hurt someone who sincerely not only wishes him/her happiness but goes out of their way to do everything they can to make it happen.
Above everything else pray for your spouse, there is no prayer more potent than that of a husband or wife for each other. In the midst of turmoil, pray; if the finances are bad, pray; even if they hurt you, pray even harder for them. Remember being bound in marriage means that your destinies are intertwined, your spouse’s success or failure will directly or indirectly affect you. Above everything else, love sincerely because love conquers all – Sir Stanley Ekezie