Have you ever wondered why a man who was thought to be irresponsible, abusive and extremely aggressive in one marriage becomes the opposite in another. I have seen instances where a man fails in almost all aspects of being a good husband to one woman, she resists and demands what she deserves, the man refuses, marriage ends, he marries again and suddenly becomes the model husband to the second woman.

It may surprise you to know that the two women may have wanted the same things from the same man whose character is the same in both marriages, but while the first marriage failed, the second succeeds. For instance, a man may be a drunk and night crawler during his first marriage, despite the complaints and fights at home he continues drinking and keeping late nights, the marriage ends. The second woman comes in and without too much noise, she gets him to stop drinking and start saying at home more often. One of these wives must have a magic wand.

A man is naturally very egotistic, he takes respect very seriously, especially with the societal Indoctrination of being superior to the woman in marriage. Having learnt this at a very young age, he struggles with understanding why he has to share power with the woman, this makes him develop a condescending, stubborn and unreasonable attitude. If unfortunately he marries a woman who knows her rights and is prepared to assert them no matter what, things will fall apart at home, if not properly handled the marriage will end.

Most men have serious ego problems, some of them have managed to through maturity, wisdom and age learn how to put their emotions in check to avoid reacting egotistically to situations at home. The ones who are considered monsters are those who rather than ignore minor things will focus or trivialities to react to every little affront at home, marrying an impatient or uncouth woman compounds their problem and will definitively lead to an unstable marriage.

In spite of all these, the easiest husbands to handle are the very proud and stubborn ones, they are so fixated on respect and submission that it takes a smart woman absolutely nothing to subdue him. All she needs to do is to learn how to approach him, since he puts his ego and respect before substance, give that to him and you will have him wrapped around your little finger. It takes a very matured and patient woman to manage this type of man and succeed where others have failed.

Your manner of approach is everything in a marriage, you can get absolutely anything you want from a man if you know how to approach him. Every man is different, what works with one man may be a trigger for tirades for another, take your time and study your man, know the things he wants to hear and see, and endeavour to do them. Be patient, do not despair or get tired of trying, while some men change immediately the manner of approach improves, it may take others a while longer to simmer down. It takes an impatient and disrespectful woman to make a man turn to a monster over night. Be careful not to start something you can’t finish, once a man sees you as someone who is ready to challenge him at every little opportunity, he mentally changes your status from loving wife to major adversary.

A wise and patient woman succeeds where others have failed, she focuses on getting results rather than engaging in acts of self-aggrandisement, she ignores insignificant misdemeanours, she wants a happy and stable home for herself and kids so she is ready to stoop in order to conquer. Sometimes all it takes to achieve this is her manner of approach. There is however a small percentage of men, who as a result of impatience, poor upbringing, personal circumstances, abuse of alcohol or drugs are incorrigible serial offenders, they can never change no matter what the woman does. It will take divine intervention to manage men in this category.

Being patient and adopting a workable good manner of approach at home may not necessarily mean giving in to the man or conceding defeat in the unnecessary and destructive battle of the sexes, it may just be a wise strategy to achieve lasting peace at home for your own comfort and peace of mind. Feigning defeat to win is necessary sometimes, after all it is the end that justifies the means- Sir Stanley Ekezie