CONSIDERING DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES

The figure 9 can also be 6 depending on where you stand, you will be right to insist on either 6 or 9 from your view and you will be absolutely right, but the other person who insists on seeing 6 is equally right from where they stand. This sadly is the case on many issues in our relationships and marriages. Being right beyond all reasonable doubts does not necessarily make your spouse wrong, they may just have a very difference perspective which makes it difficult for them to agree with you. Rather than get angry, change your view and see things from their angle, you may be convinced that theirs is the right way to go. As a couple always endeavour to stand on one side to have the same view.

We are often blinded by selfishness, we fail to see things from any other perspective except ours. Until we begin to give each other the benefit of doubt, very trivial differences in opinion occasioned by our different perspectives on issues will continue to affect our marriages. I have said it over and over again that things are not always what they seem, someone can be guilty looking at the facts and circumstances, yet very innocent, it only takes an unbiased second look to see things clearly. It is wrong to examine the facts looking for guilt, look at the evidence with the mindset of proving their innocence, only then will your mind be open to see the salient facts and circumstances which may absolve them.

If we are open minded enough to understand that certain reactions by our spouse are in direct response to our own actions, we will be able to avoid most of the conflicts in our relationships . Human beings often turn out to be what their environment dictates, it is possible to marry a perfectly normal and good person, put them in an environment of suppression, hate and anger and you will create a monster. So when your spouse behaves in an unacceptable manner, pause and think before you come out blazing hot. I have seen an instance where a very innocent and pure intention turns horribly wrong and eventually ended a marriage.

A lady went to Eko hotel to book a surprise weekend getaway for her husband’s birthday, she was told there was no room available. As she was about to leave the hotel she saw her ex boyfriend who was there for a conference, and was leaving the hotel back to his base in Abuja, because their breakup was bad they didn’t speak to each other, but he walked out of the lobby behind her, her husband’s friend spotted them and told her husband, she didn’t have proof of what she came to do there since she didn’t book the hotel, the husband believed she was having an affair with her ex boyfriend. She didn’t handle it well, she fought back aggressively because she was innocent, his refusal to accept her explanations made her angry and rightfully so too and he saw the anger as an arrogant lack of remorse and he was right as well considering what he thought he knew. That singular good intention by her and their inability to see things from each other’s perspective started a chain of events which eventually ended the marriage.

When there is an issue, examine your conscience to be sure his/her reaction is not in response to something you have done. Be positive always because negativity in thought and deed begets even more negativity. Avoid the temptation of jumping to conclusions, even when things look like they are designed to hurt you, it may have been done with the purest and most loving intentions, ensure that your thought process is pure and unbiased. So sit back, look at the facts again from their perspective, check the circumstances, keep an open mind, put yourself in their shoes, consider your relationship then make a rational decision – Sir Stanley Ekezie