Love vs submission

According to the bible, a husband is the earthly lord and master of his wife, second only to God himself. He is the head of the union, he is to be respected, served, revered. His wife is expected to submit to his authority. Only through the respect of this biblical injunction will wholesome peace and unity be achieved.

The Bible also describes a wife as a partner, a helpmate, a treasure, a jewel of inestimable value. According to the scriptures, he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord. Just like Jesus Christ loves the church, she is to be loved unconditionally,. She must be provided for at all times. It is only when a women is truly loved and appreciated that peace and harmony reigns in the home.

The big controversy has always been which comes first, submission by the Woman or love by the man. Some people believe that a man should love his wife to submission while others insist that it is the total submission to the husbands authority that begets the love. I am of the opinion that where this controversy is present, there is a problem ab initio, the marriage has serious foundational problems because the love and respect which should have been present from the beginning is lacking.

It is important that couples have the right mindset before they go into marriage. If each of them resolves to obey the biblical injunction on marriage as it affects their gender, we will have two people who are mentally prepared to enter the union determined to do what is right and necessary to succeed. A woman determined to obey God and submit to her husband will do so regardless of what the man does, and the man who chooses the path of obedience to God’s instructions on marriage will love his wife unconditionally even when she doesn’t deserve it. We were not given exceptions to these injunctions because God’s instructions are not selectively applicable and we are individually answerable to God for the wrong things we did or the right things we didn’t do.

To make it easy to obey these injunctions, it is advised that a man should marry a woman who he will always love and cherish. It is extremely important that he chooses based on his own preferences and not those of his friends, family or social circle. The choice is he’s to make and he will have to live with it for the rest of his life. So pray about it, be patient, give it a lot of thought, replay all possible scenarios, positive and negative, if you are convinced that she will make you happy go ahead and marry her. Endeavour to keep these deliberations which informed your decision to choose her among all others, replay it each time there is a challenge in your marriage, it will help you focus and appreciate her more.

Choosing a husband is probably one of the biggest decisions a woman will make, it is a decision that can either build or destroy her. In marriage, respect for your husband is one of the key factors here, a wife must be matured enough to respect her husband whether he deserves it or not, she must respect and honour him even when he hasn’t earned it. Therefore she must choose a man who she has real and tremendous respect for, this makes submission less of a burden. This respect must not be based on his provision of material things or his personal appearance, it must be effortless and sincere. Use your heart to choose and let your head evaluate and approve. So be vigilant and don’t let your heart lie to head.

Finally, when you have a challenge, focus on the good times, remember the good things your spouse has done for you, keep in mind those qualities which endeared them to you, the wear and tear of our ageing process, circumstances and our conditions of living may make them seem different, somewhere beneath the surface, they are still the person you married. Do a thorough self introspection once in a while, you may have changed towards them without realising it, for every action there is a reaction. If you are convinced you haven’t changed, keep being yourself, the greatest form of weakness is to let another human being turn you into something or someone you are not. Remain steadfast and walk with God always and it shall be well with you in your marriage – Sir Stanley Ekezie

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