I have always maintained that the way a man treats not only his wife, but women generally is a reflection of how he was raised and how he views his mother. It is said that a man who treats his woman like a princess is proof that he was raised by a queen. He was probably raised in an environment where his mum exhibited the attributes of a queen; tolerance, elegance, compassionate, self respect and passionate about the welfare of everyone around her. Being exposed to these traits, it will be very likely for him to see all woman as queens and princesses worthy of respect and honour. There are however rare occasions where bad personal experiences in the hands of a woman may interfere with his general perception of women. Despite the bad experience, it maybe difficult for any negative experience to generally and completely distort his perception of women acquired over an entire life time.
A woman who possesses a quarrelsome or militant character not only has a negative effect on her daughters, it has a far worse effect on her sons. A woman who is quarrelsome, cantankerous, avaricious, vain and wayward will most certainly raise a man who is constantly one the offensive and/or self defence mode against all women. Having been raised in a household where his dad was probably emasculated or nagged to a state of unwilling submission, he will be constantly in a lone battle to prove to himself and to his wife that he is not as weak as he perceived his father to be. A young man who was exposed as a young child to such an unscrupulous woman will most certainly resort to violence to assert his authority over his wife in his attempt not to be as cowardly as he perceived his dad to be, he is more likely to put women down to boost his ego.
A man who saw his father abused and emasculated by his mother will always have something to prove. He will be the first to tell you that all women are evil, they try to control their husbands, they are stubborn etc. He is the type who will pounce on a woman verbally or physically at the slightest provocation. ” I am the man, I am the head of the family and your must submit to me” is their mantra repeated frequently as a way of proving to her and to himself that he is in charge.
This message therefore is a reminder to the women, while you think you are being a modern woman who is emboldened by the societal shift towards gender equality, you must realise that for the emotional balance of your male children, you must show them that every woman is a queen, gentle, fair, peaceful, virtuous, elegant, prayerful and respectful and must be pampered and taken care of by the man. No matter how independent you are, you must be seen to respect your husband before your children especially the boys. Do not scream at, disparage or antagonise him in their presence, they see you in every woman and will do everything to ensure their wives do not become you. This may lead to them being high handed, mean and abusive towards a good woman who deserves to be loved and pampered.
A couple will always disagree or argue, it is best to keep it in the bedroom, fighting, screaming and pointing fingers at each other emotionally damages you children. They hold each parent in a very scared place in their hearts, a place where you should work assiduously to stay until they become adults. Children regard parents as people who are above certain mistakes, consequently they hold you in very high esteem, this gives you the moral justification to correct and punish them when the err. Quarrelling and fighting before them demystify the parents and makes them loose respect before the kids. Teach by example, be careful what they see you do – Sir Stanley Ekezie