When a marriage or relationship ends, the blame game which follows is usually exhausting, sometimes more intense than the actual break up itself. It is easy to blame our partner and every person or thing but ourselves. We refuse to acknowledge the mistakes we made before and during the relationship. The most common of these mistakes is ignoring the warning signs of trouble or bad behaviour and going against your instincts in choice of a partner. I want to make it clear that the choices we make in choosing our spouse is ours, we have been given a free will to tell right from wrong, good from evil, so God’s part in our choice is the wisdom he has given us to listen to our instincts. Whether or not we apply that gift in our choice of a spouse is upto us.

Some marriages are designed to fail from the onset, the countdown to failure sometimes predates the wedding ceremony itself. The steady gyration towards divorce starts with the simple “hi” on the day we meet our spouse. Every human being has basic instincts, that still small voice which warns you against or encourages you to proceed at the threshold of every decision we make. The difference between success and failure in a relationship is our ability to intelligently decipher the salient message this instinct or still small voice delivers.

Having said this, I believe that a high percentage of the couples who eventually get separated or divorced actually know from the onset that their marriage may not last until death do them part. This applies more to the women, a good number of them may have had reasons why they believe they shouldn’t have married their husbands during courtship, a lot of things get swept under the carpet,  they saw the hand writing on the wall very clearly, but because of their natural reformist disposition they go ahead hoping that love and marriage will change the man for best.

Marriage is not a gamble, it is not something you take chances with, it is a relationship designed by God to last forever. Great care must therefore be taken in choosing a life partner, if there is something you believe may be a problem in future, if your instincts tell you something you have noticed will blow up in your face during the course of the marriage, it probably will. My sincere advice is that it is better to divorce a boyfriend or girlfriend than a husband or wife; especially if there are kids involved. So If you feel there is something which appears off in your relationship, take a second look, dig deeper, ask questions, do not take anything for granted. It is better to be single than to be in an unhappy marriage. Learn to follow your instincts, it is God’s way of directing your path.

Don’t be under pressure or in a hurry to get married, it is ok if all your friends get married before you, it is better to marry late and marry right than to be the first to marry and first to divorce. Everyone has an individual race, and a different pace. Be patient look before you leap – Sir Stanley Ekezie

The journey of life is not a competition
We stand alone In our individual race
Edging swiftly towards the same destination
Everyone with a different strategy and pace

Finally when we arrive at our lives end
It will not matter how fast the race was done
But by how well we fared through every bend
Fulfilling the destiny for which we were born- 2014

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