I went to the palms mall to buy a laundry basket for my daughter who was getting ready to go back to school, I saw a man who had sent me a Facebook private message accusing of encouraging young inexperienced men to be too weak in their marriages. He insisted that every man should assert his authority in his household and put his wife in her place he was so passionate about his stand, I remember feeling sorry for his wife who I thought was being serious maltreated. You can imagine my shock when I saw this same fellow with his wife at the palms, the nanny was carrying their baby, the man had the diaper bad and and a huge shopping bag, while the woman had her designer bag and her phone. This gentleman was struggling with one big bag on one hand and a diaper bag and something that looked like a magazine on the other, ordinarily I wouldn’t have noticed him, it was his attempt to hide his face when he saw me that made me recognise him. I approached and greeted him with a mischievous smile on my face, his wife didn’t even as much as give me a second look she silently responded to my greeting and walked away, a clear indication that she has no respect him or his friends. 

In order to impress me, he yelled at the nanny to come and carry her diaper bag, that was his greatest undoing as his wife in a very irritating voice asked whether he didn’t notice that the nanny is carrying their baby and concluded by telling him to my hearing not to be selfish. He stared at me so intensely like I was the one who called him selfish and without a word hurriedly followed his wife behind like an obedient child. It became very clear that he painted a different picture of his marriage. This definitely didn’t look like a man who has put him wife in the place he suggested. He is nowhere near the strong macho dictator he made himself out to be. You can imagine how many people he has deceived with his imaginary position at home, here he was desperately trying to make his wife happy and then encouraging others to be tough. He failed to realise that being a hard and macho dictator is not in vogue anymore. 

There is absolutely nothing demeaning about the above scenario, I always insist on carrying everything heavy when I go out with my wife, it is very normal and wouldn’t have been noticed if it involved a reasonable fellow. This man cursed me out on Facebook because of my style of writing, because I encourage men to be more humane and attentive to the needs of their wives, I encourage women to respect their spouses and be receptive to even the most salient love overtures by their husbands, I advocate love and mutual respect as the master key to unlock the full potential of marital bliss. I am totally against the subjugation of women by marriage or domestic violence against women or men. He called me weak and spineless because he said men like me will be controlled by their wives. He is right to an extent, what controls me is my desire to ensure that she and the kids are happy always. 

We presently have a crop of married people or people in relationships who are male chauvinistic and feminist on a temporary basis. These people pick their struggle based on their mood and the situation at home. They become active agitators when they fight with their spouse and for singles when they don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend; they drop the fight once they get married, get a boyfriend or for married couples when the situation at home improves, once the status of their inspiration which in this case is an erring spouse or partner changes, they become loving spouses again. The passion with which they approach the struggle is so intense and real that it is extremely difficult to determine who is genuinely engaged in feminism or any gender related struggle. They are eloquent, brash and usually well versed in laws protecting their gender in every civilized country. 

These beer parlour (bar) and beauty salon activists are so convincing that they win so many people to their cause, people who didn’t have very serious issues at home; couples with issues which should have been nipped in the bud will sink further into the dept of disputes and marital discord as these temporary agitators cheer them on from the sidelines. They carry on their crusade while working behind the scenes for the resolution of their own relationship / marriage issues. The tact and dexterity with which they withdraw from the struggle once they have sorted out their own domestic problems usually leaves the poor souls they have deceived numb with regrets and a damaged relationship or broken marriage. This is very sad and mean, you are not under obligation to share the details of your bad marriage, if you are not proud of it, then keep your mouth shut, its better than deceiving the younger ones, encouraging them not to pursue the part of peace and happiness in their homes while you are actually trying to be happy in yours. 

We also have the social media warriors and ambassadors of feminism and male chauvinism, most of these ones are in some cases happily married, they come to social media to boost their already moribund self esteem by creating a false sense of self worth, projecting an impression of being in charge and in control at home while in reality they are as meek as a lamb. These are the first ones to tell you what rubbish they can and cannot tolerate from their spouse. They are usually very loud and flamboyant in their criticism of the opposite sex and people who they perceive to have conciliatory approach to marriage and relationship. Do not let them deceive you, to be happy you must compromise, it doesn’t come easy in a marriage or relationship, give and take is what makes it work. 

If you are married, engaged or in a relationship, you must be extremely careful who you listen to. Most people who are quick to tell you that they cannot tolerate rubbish from the husband or wife are eating the rubbish and washing it down with a cup of humble serum in the privacy of their homes. Some of them are in very happy relationships or trying so hard to work on their faulty relationships, it breaks my heart when these men and women come on social media or in public to deceive the younger ones. All marriages are not the same, what a wise person does after marriage is to study his or her husband or wife and in the process learn what to do or not do to avoid confrontations. So do not listen to friends who will insist on impressing you with their own success in a relationship, especially when supposed success involves high handedness or violence. Most people who discuss their relationships in bars and beer Parlors are usually high, boastful or talkative and may give you wrong advise. It must be the various hair chemicals inhaled in salons that make women lie too much whenever they gather there, when you are in that environment, learn to sieve the chaff from the grain, do not listen to stories of how they have caged their husbands and how he cannot try this or that rubbish, it is probably a lie designed to boost the ego of such women in that immediate environment, they might in reality be submissive and obedient wives at home. Learn to recognise substance and stop acting on unsubstantiated stories of power and control – Sir Stanley Ekezie