Some people believe there is one husband or wife created for each and every one of us. This means that all you have to do to have a blissful marriage is try to somehow out of the more that seven billion people on earth magically locate this one person and marry him/her. In some quarters this person is referred to as your soulmate. A soulmate is defined as a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament and/or a person who strongly resembles another in attitudes or beliefs. From the definition above, it is clear that if you find someone who possess these attributes, you will certainly enjoy a happy marriage. The question is, do readymade soulmates exist?
I don’t believe ready made soulmates exist, I also don’t believe that there is one soulmate created for each person. I believe that soulmates are created through a concerted effort by both parties in a relationship. I also believe that your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend can become your soulmate at a any point in the relationship as long as you are prepared, with their full consent, cooperation and support to work towards achieving a perfect synergy in your relationship. Becoming soulmates does not come easy, it starts with choosing your spouse wisely, you must choose those who compliment your character and are willing to accept your flaws. It takes a lot of work and rising above pettiness, quarrels and bitter disagreements. It takes sacrifice, tolerance, forgiveness and selflessness to get there. You must drop all competitiveness and gender related struggles, you must be ready to be a fool for your spouse, you must put their needs before yours even when it is not convenient. You must loose yourself in it’s entirety to find your common self. When you go into a relationship with your beliefs, determined to hold on to them without compromising and accommodating your spouses beliefs, you make the creation of a soulmate out of your spouse impossible.
Soulmates can be destroyed as quickly as they are created when you allow the enabling environment for this destruction to develop. When a couple starts becoming selfish, insensitive, intolerant, abusive, wicked, insincere, unforgiving and unfaithful to each other, they are inevitably destroying whatever they have managed to build in their relationship including but not limited to their soulmate status. It is easier to destroy than to build a good relationship, so in order to maintain your relationship you must always be attentive to each other’s feelings and needs. Apologising when you have offended your spouse must come naturally without pride or prejudice, and accepting your spouses apologies and sincerely forgiving them is equally important. It must be a give and take situation, you must ensure you only give what you can take, and take exactly what you give. When you see a couple who have emerged from it all to have a near perfect relationship, it doesn’t mean they were made or meant for each other, it means that they have found a way to accept each other’s imperfections, they have simply worked on their relationship and found a common ground for everything, they have tolerance, a forgiving spirit and mutual respect for each other – Sir Stanley Ekezie