I often hear people say “after all I did for you” “after all the money and time I spent on you” “after standing by you when you had nothing, you are an ungrateful person” and so on. These statements might have an element of truth in all of them. There are actually very ungrateful people out there, people who will never appreciate anything anyone does for them, no matter how much. However it is not all the time that the statements above paint the correct picture, there are times when ingratitude is not as result of of the persons character, it is rather because of the way the person was treated while help was being rendered. Most people tend to stretch you to the limits for small favours or even the big ones. You are reminded on a daily basis of how incapable you are of helping yourself, dragged down, trampled upon and humiliated publicly. How can favours like this be appreciated? We may wonder why a person will agree to be humiliated in this manner in order to receive help, the truth is, sometimes a person in need does not have the luxury of choice, he may be so helpless that he is willing to endure and tolerate anything to get by. Once he regains his financial independence, his reaction against his former benefactor becomes hostile and he is perceived to be ungrateful. 

There are instances where a man humiliates and mentally or even physically abuses his wife/girlfriend just because he is solely providing for her. She does not have a voice or say in the affairs of the family, she is so financially enslaved that she cannot breath without the consent of the man. Sometimes, the man may resort to cheating almost openly knowing she is incapable of leaving him because she cannot afford to fend for herself. When she asks for the basic things, he gives her a long lecture on management and yet she knows he spends much more than that on himself and his girlfriends, this kills her slowly as her self esteem is being chipped away one spec at a time. Some will instead of upgrading their wives look outside for already made women to openly flaunt for all to see. What do you think will happen when this woman suddenly gains financial independence or when the table turns. Show of gratitude or appreciation will be the last thing on her list. She will probably become disobedient and spiteful because of the trauma she was exposed to. Men are advised to treat their wives with respect and dignity because the wealth is yours to enjoy with her and the kids . She may be the reason why God has blessed you. Don’t let her feel you are hurting her because of money so she does not resort to doing whatever is necessary to make her own money, this desperate mindset destroys women and the home because it may force her into cheating with anyone who can give her money and attention.

When a man is financially unable to cope with providing for his family, it is generally expected that his wife will stand by him, encouraging and praying for him. Sometimes however, it is better for him that his wife leaves him to suffer his fate alone; there are companionships which curse rather than a bless the man. Some wives have been known to ridicule and torment their husband with his inability to provide. Asking for and insisting on what you know he cannot providing is on the same level as calling him a misfit (ozu nwoke). The fact that he cannot provide those things is already killing him slowly, rubbing it in kills his already injured self esteem, this will surely and most certainly accelerate his movement to an early grave. A woman may not be quarrelsome or even ask for anything untoward, but their body language, murmuring and loud prayer points and requests can brutally bruise a man’s ego making it difficult for him to concentrate and articulate plans to come out of his situation. This situation may also force him into the hands of a strange woman who will treat him like a King irrespective of his situation. When a man eventually under these conditions make it out of lack and penury, his primary aim will be to show his wife that he has arrived. He may also in appreciation descend lower into the annals of adultery with this same strange woman who had given him the comfort and confidence to fight for survival. Men appreciate support in their times of lack. A women, standing by her man requires trying hard to ignore his inadequacies, encouraging him, making him see you happy and hopeful of a better tomorrow. Assuring him that no matter what, you are in it together. Don’t push him to desperation so that he won’t resort to crime or money rituals just to please you. A man reacts more to the ridicule at home than the pressure outside. 

Let us endeavor to treat those who depend on us with with dignity and respect bearing in mind that no condition is permanent, we may have to depend on someone tomorrow and will expect to be treated well. – Sir Stanley Ekezie