Lying in bed last night pondering over the events of the previous day, I couldn’t help wondering in total confusion what the whole episode meant. A woman had been so badly brutalized by her husband, her sister in Europe called and asked me to intervene. I reached out to the man first, as expected and understandably, he refused to discuss his marriage with me, he basically told me there was no problem, so I apologised and hung up the phone. Shortly afterwards the woman called and told a chilling story of what she has had to endure in their over one decade of marriage. I observed from her utterances that she is a true born again Christian. In spite of all that had happened, she did not for once abuse or condemn her husband in foul language, she said it was her cross to bare temporarily. She wanted her marriage to work, she refused to be separated or divorced insisting that she did not want to go against God’s instructions on marriage. I encouraged her and advised her to keep praying to God for a turn around in her marriage.
The next day she called to say that her husband had suffered a massive stroke while on a business trip in Portharcourt, it happened in his hotel room, he had fallen while attempting to get out of bed and was discovered by the housekeeper. She said the doctors are battling to keep him alive, this is a healthy and strong middle aged man who had just returned from abroad where he was given a clean bill of health, how is that possible, what went wrong and why? She was devastated and heartbroken, I couldn’t help wondering what an angel she is, even after the hell she has been through, she still wished him well and continued praying fervently for his full recovery. As at today any chance of making a full recovery is very slim, the doctors feel he may be able to survive but will be a vegetable for the rest of his life. Here was a man who spent the best of 10 years brutalising his wife, he will now have to depend solely on the same woman to care for him.
As I was trying to figure it all out, a thought came to me, as Insensitive and abstract as these thoughts were, they continued to gained traction in my mind. Could it be that the man has been disabled by divine providence to save the woman’s life? Everyone, including her pastor and I had warned her that she will be killed if she remained in the house, she refused insisting that God is her protector and will not let any harm come to her. Could his sudden and total disability be God’s response to the woman’s cry for help? since all efforts secular and non secular failed to get him to stop brutalising his wife, can this be the divine intervention she so desperately prayed for. Here was a truly born again Christian crying to God everyday for a turn around in her marriage, probably praying for protection and in defiance the man continued to abuse her, there had to be some sort of repercussion. The Bible says in 1 Chronicles 16:22 ” touch not my anointed and do my prophets no harm” Is it possible that the woman indirectly without knowing invoked God’s anger against her husband?
It is very common for women and indeed men to run to church when they start experiencing domestic problems, some of them in the process get truly born again and begin to worship God in truth and in spirit. We have to be extremely careful especially if you notice that your wife has acquired a powerful praying habit, do not let your permanent removal or disability be answers to a broken woman’s prayers. Stop, step back and fall in line before God humbles and humiliates you. God protects his own. It is possible that through prayer, She may have acquired the spiritual cover of God and has thus become an anointed servant. A man becoming incapacitated by sickness or poverty may be in response to the prayer of an innocent woman who he is maltreating, Some women becoming widows may not be coincidental. The demise of a husband may be divine intervention to save the life of a true believer. Let us live everyday according to God’s instruction in 1 Peter 3:7 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are equal heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered – Sir Stanley Ekezie
Relationship blues and bliss 
This is thought provoking….. Can we really say God has vindicated this woman??? I would say so if probably the man fell sick and had to depend on the woman for care depending a full recovery within which time he would have been sobered to appreciate her fully and understand that the situation could have been worse.
For me; with the current situation, the woman’s life wouldn’t be any better…. Taking care of the sick is not a good place to be…taking care of a stroke patient is unimaginable… From the financial pressure, to the physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological exertions…. it goes on and on. At that point the man wouldn’t even reason rationally.
For the sake of the woman, may God grant the man full healing and recovery.
God should pay him back in a coin devoid of the woman’s direct involvement…. May God continue to bless His own.
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Absolutely.For the sake of the woman,God should please grant the man full recovery.He is not a wicked God,but God of mercy, forgiveness and of compassion.God didn’t inflict the illness on him,because of his sins.We can’t justify what happened to this man,based on his inhumane treatment on the wife.No woman, would even pray for her husband,to become ill because of his wickedness.The family would definitely suffer,if the man fails to recover fully or goes back to his creator.Nice response
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my dear e fit no bii de case. I know a lady we all grew up in the same church. She was almost in church rat level with poverty. Her husband died, that was when she found out she was married to a millionaire. Her life changed. She sent all her children abroad etc. God will provide nanny, money etc for her. It might not be easy but this is definitely the better of the two situations. No body can help her with beating but someone can help her take care of him.
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Ngozi in essence, she can get a nanny to support with care giving…. at least she is relieved of the beating from her husband….. I like the angle of discovering that the man could be a millionaire unknown to her… this sort of man is very capable of concealing such from his wife… 😀😀😀😀
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we need to pray more for the dear woman for grace. If you know what it means to take care of a sick person, we won’t even see it as God punishing the man. It’s a great burden – unimaginable especially for a stroke patients who are usually easily irritable and frustrated and maybe even attempt violence and suicide.
Our sister needs more prayers and counsel now more than ever.
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Very true but that kind of woman will take care of the man but the humiliation and the helplessness of the man can kill him faster. Even the guilt of seeing her toil for him is bad enough. She’s truly born again she will forgive but can the man forgive himself?
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God just fought nd saved her marriage with dat so she can be his shoulder while on sick bed and if miraculously he survived this Wrath of God’s anger,he(Husband)will never brutalized her again but rather he will treat her as a queen nd wonderful wifey she has bin.May God bless her marriage.
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Awwwwwhhhh,d man thought he can do anything to d woman cos he owns her,n God in d other way took his legs cos he owns him.don’t try a praying ,obedient, submissive wife
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“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned ” pardon me if I didn’t quote it just right.
When you hurt your spouse or “spice” sometimes “sorry” is not enough . Discuss the issue and don’t just gloss over it with “sorry” to crown it or cap it up. Women can be unforgiven . We cry in our hearts . My people call it “akwa ariri” it’s a bad place to be taken to. Let’s be kind in our words and deeds.
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I agree, but having endured the brutalisation which I believe was a real threat to her life, she is in a much better place. From my assessment, this woman was in real danger of loosing her life, her husband put her in hospital with serious injuries including a broken rib more than once. The primary thing is the immediate danger to her life which has been averted. The burden is also more on the man, the psychological trauma of being at the mercy of a woman he disregarded and maltreated can’t be easy on him, he has been thoroughly humiliated. Against all the advise she received even from her pastor who also saw the serious threat to her life, she stubbornly remained in that marriage simply because she is a Christian and didn’t want a divorce. A woman who had such an uncommon and unnatural level of patience to endure what she went through for 10 years won’t have any problems looking after him. It will be too easy.
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I’m sure she must be Igbo, we Igbo women knows how to endure and stay in loveless and abusive marriages.
It is no fault of ours, we’ve been taught and raised to build our homes no matter what.
I’m sure God vindicated her.
This is like a case of one Prof like that, the Doctor wife stayed. The Prof was eventually confined to a wheel chair, each morning he tells his physiotherapist that comes to the house to treat him about the day he will get up…. the wife who will be on her way to work will tell him to keep quiet that he will forever remain there. She doesn’t hide it, she says in in front of visitors.
The funny thing is that he will be on that wheelchair thinking of more terrible things to do to her…. but he can’t get up.
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The powers of women are in their mouth. It can make you or put you on the fast line to the grave. May God give us the wisdom thru ur writings to leave peacefully with our better halfs.
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My bro I do not know which section of the Bible will support the narrative that divorce or abandoning a marriage where a woman or man has been so terribly abused is a sin.It is the warped up teachings like this one that make mockery of our style of Christianity when the white man who produced most of the Bible we all read do not see any sense in continuing in a relationship that sometimes lead to death or serious harm.I just can’t get my head around that.Some churches will even ostracize you if you separate from such horrible relationships.It’s to me utterly ridiculous!
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You are very right and wise Sir Stanley Ekezie . This is the kind of thing that happened to my late father .he was a terror in the house .we all run out of the parlour whenever we hear the sound of his voice or keys .he beats our mum almost everyday (in our presence) and we dare not cry or he will add us to the beating .he used hot iron on her severally .he humiliated her in the presence of our tenants. He did so many horrible things to my Mum but she still stayed with him till the day he died in the hospital. 21 years of marriage or 21 years of hell .it’s better to remain single than to have this kind of evil marriage .tufiakwa !
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Stan Ekezie Why did you and the pastor advice the woman to leave the house? Why do people automatically support and believe the story told by women without hearing the two sides of the story?…With due respect to all women,I hereby state that some women are like green snakes in green grasses in their matrimonial homes..A woman that paraded herself as a born again was caught at the chambers of a native doctor she presumed to be a pastor.Some women in Nigeria would sneak out to visit native doctors in other to be solely in charge of their husbands but their husbands don’t have a clue..
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ND no matter what the woman has done, even if the man caught her with 10 men or caught her visiting 30 native doctors, no man has a right to lay his hands on a woman and vice versa. He would have sent her out of his house or better still left the house. I advised her to move because of the danger she was in. This couldn’t have been her in the hospital
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Anyway you may be right . However ,it is against God’s law in marriage.For better for worse..Thy shall hanger in there even if your life is at stake…What God has joined together , no one should put asunder..You should have investigated thoroughly to ascertain what the woman had done that resulted to the husband,s change of behaviour..
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ND, A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:10-11) it clearly states the possibility of separation, it becomes a sin when you remarry, that the bible calls adultery in verse 15 is says – Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. In this situation the man is clearly not on the same page with her spiritually and can be said to be an unbeliever for no believer can unleash such demonic attack on his wife. She can be separated to save her life, but will not remarry to avoid committing adultery
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I agree with you some women are really bad . That said no man has the right to beat his wife. She’s not a child even if you are old enough to be her father.
Go to churches most of the congregation are women. Women that have run to church to salvage their marriages.
Go to juju the same man matter haba?
Most women will do anything to keep their men. The society has made it so. In all marriages all we hear is pray pray pray. The Lord this and that with quotes from the bible to support. Sometimes I wonder if the bible is meant only for women. Most women are married yet lonely. The men have a field day and the women are blamed for everything . The woman must have pushed him, to steal to cheat to even kidnap . ND if in all cases the men die I do not think we will be talking about for better for worse here. l
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My brother Sir Stanley is not trying to be judgemental here, wether on the side of the man or woman, this is a great lesson for those who maltreat their spouse. Same lesson applies here to the woman visiting native doctor
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My take on this is that although no reason is reasonable enough to beat up a woman, it would have been better to find out what made the man to become the Mike Tyson he became. If such cause was ascertained, analysed and remedied, the whole issue may have been stopped and the marriage would have been revived. Asking the woman to leave her home without getting the version of the man was like adding the last straw that would break the camel,s back. Besides the notion or argument that a man should never lift his hands on a woman has emboldened most women to take bad notches too up. I had this friend whose girlfriend enjoyed beating- during love making and when she offends him. If she doesn’t get mildly brutalised, she would not be happy. I don’t know who ended up marrying her but imagine what that marriage would be like. Some men easily allow their anger to over boil into physical violence while some women push men too far. The root cause is mostly embedded in the way and manner of their courtship. Courtship should be the learning stage and marriage the living stage. You don’t start learning in marriage. It’s not too difficult to discern the mike Tyson kind of man during courtship and and to discern the Delilah kind of woman. Anya saa ooo
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Av, My brother, In the first instance, I insist that no one has the right to hit another human being, no matter the reason, So the issue of not beating women being the reason why they are emboldened is sexist on its own. So many laws exist now to protect women and fortunately many of them are aware of this, so anyone who beats does so at his own peril. A man always has the option of not beating his wife, if he chooses to beat, in my opinion that man is as weak as they come and any woman who tolerates it is a timid and ignorant. Finally any woman who enjoys beating for whatever reason requires urgent psychiatric help, she can’t be normal. Civilised societies are making more laws to protect and empower their women, we in Africa are still wasting qualified Human Resources in these women all in the bid to further our ego tripping mentality, can we even talk of beating a woman abroad? When our men are abroad, they behave, once they enter this continent they remember that they are in charge. Marriage is supposed to be an equal partnership where each party contributes their quota. We have the sperm they have the eggs and the womb, one ingredient more than we do, and it takes these three ingredients to ensure the survival of humans. None of these ingredients is more important that the other, as all must be present to succeed, one cannot work without the others. The sad thing is that the man that beats and maltreats a woman was Carried for nine months, born through pain and nurtured by a woman just like the one you are maltreating. Isn’t that ingratitude?
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sir Stanley i agree dat a man is not suppose to beat his wife, but remember that as u are giving women the impression that they are this and that, two captain canot lead a ship, even d Bible did not say that a man should be submissive rather it says women be submissive to ur husband. Although some men are not really matured enough to control the anger in them which is very bad, but dat doesnt mean u should hide the trut frm d women most problems happening in marriage ar caursed by the wumen, remember wuman without respect n wisdom canot be a gud wife. So telling dem there is one stupid law guiding wumen, wat about the men are they not human being. Men plss dont beat ur wife but tell her the truth, dont over pet her if not u will turn and become the wuman n d wuman becomes d head and dats against d Bible n even our culture, so plss advisers dont turn it tell the wumen d truth.
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Oooooooohhh, Sir Stanley there you go!!!!!. Sometimes when these last thoughts of yours engulf me at burials, I shoke my heads and say may be. Never know someone thinks same. But this is another brutality on the lady in question
I have cared for and looked after a stroke patient, I know what it entails. Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on this lady. This is another brutality, Oooo
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