Relationship blues and bliss

Marriage can be very challenging, when conflicts inevitably erupts, it can be negatively impactful to our physical and emotional well being. Therefore, it is very important that we seek advise when experiencing turbulence in our relationships and marriages. This is particularly important when the person whose advise we seek has lived the experience and has gathered enough personal knowhow to advise us. Experience is the best teacher, those who have been married for long and have managed to remain reasonably happy hold very valuable lessons on how to manage situations is marriage. They must have gone through the crucible of challenges to achieve stability in their marriage, pick their brains regularly.

When we approach a counsellor, pastor or anyone else for advice, we open our hearts and divulge information from the deepest recesses of our hearts, this is usually therapeutic because as they say “a problem shared is a problem half solved” this may not be the case all the time. In my own parlance it is “a problem shared is sometimes a problem compounded” This becomes the case if a problem is shared with the wrong person, someone who has other intentions other than the well being of a friend who seeks advise.

A lot of married couples and people
In romantic relationships present a facade of happiness, but in reality they are deeply unhappy and carrying a heavy emotional burden which has terribly biased their minds against marriage, relationships and the opposite sex. Advise from people in this situation should be taken with caution. Misery they say loves company, their advise may be steeped in negative bias crafted to destroy your marriage or relationship. They may give advise which they themselves are afraid to follow, using you to live their fantasies of punishing the opposite sex.

I am sure we have all heard of instances where a counsellor, Pastor or a family friend who intervenes in a marriage crisis ends up becoming romantically or sexually involved with one of the spouses. This is because in opening up to them, you inadvertently hand them a map to your heart. Having provided a listening ear, you will discuss your expectations of your spouse. A manipulative person will exploit this information and your vulnerability, becoming everything you complain your spouse is not. They will offer you a shoulder to cry on and, potentially, a bed to lie in. Exercise caution and retreat when someone from whom you seek advice begins condemning your spouse too heavily, making romantic advances or becomes too friendly outside the purview of counseling.

Getting advise from a person who has lived the failures and successes of marriages and relationships can be very rewarding if they are SINCERE (in capital letters for emphasis). Advise from a SINCERE separated or divorced person who is devoid of past hurt comes loaded with practical wisdom and knowledge of marriage. They have probably lived your present situation, they are in a position to use their own experience to educate you on what they did wrong and what they could have done differently to save their marriage. A sincere person in this category will draw from their own experiences to prevent you from making the same mistakes they made – Sir Stanley Ekezie