Stand as one to train your children

The devastating effects of marriage issues on children cannot be overemphasized. In addition to the emotional trauma and sometimes depression, it creates the confusion of not knowing whose side to be on. You therefore see the children walking on eggshells, careful not to show too much affection to one parent to avoid being accused of taking sides or supporting one of them.

Children are smart, especially the Gen Zs, they play every situation to their advantage. Once they notice that the parents are not in one accord, they begin to capitalize on it. It is important to note that the things parents won’t under normal circumstances approve of is usually the most attractive and tempting to them. They will employ all sorts of antics including playing the parents against each other to get away with things.

Therefore they need united parents who are strong willed disciplinarians to save them from some of the bad choices peer pressure can expose them to. This can be achieved sometimes by either of the parents coming down hard on them, they will usually run to the next parent for cover, where there is no unity they are accommodated and pacified for doing the wrong thing. A dangerous habit germinates and grows to their own detriment. If you genuinely love your children, you will rise above pettiness and malice and partner with your spouse to train them well. Even if you hate each other, stand as one for their sake and never support evil just to spite your spouse.

Parents who are embroiled in conflicts cannot effectively train their kids because they find themselves sucking up to the them to curry favour and win their validation, too afraid to discipline them so they won’t tilt towards the other parent. This gives the children the advantage of getting away with a lot of things. Basic training at home does not happen because the children are spared the hard and basic training in exchange for validation.

While this may seem advantageous to either of the parents in the short term, it is a terrible mistake, one which will negatively impact on their ability to hold the children accountable for their actions. With time you would have groomed manipulative children who will face the world with a sense of entitlement and seriously deficient in taking responsibility for their actions. This will pitch them against people in their immediate environment making it difficult for them to excel.

As responsible parents who have brought children into this world, it behoves them to put aside their differences and agree on adequately disciplining the children when they step out of line. It shouldn’t matter if they love you or not, the important thing is that they are corrected. Letting them get away with any bad behavior for fear of losing them to the other parent is indirectly destroying them, they will blame you tomorrow for not doing enough when they become adults. Even if your partner does not agree, speak up and correct them, they may hate you now, in time they will appreciate you for standing firm. I, and am sure many of us grew up hating our parents for coming down hard on us, today we eulogize them for who and what we have become – Sir Stanley Ekezie