As you make your bed

Men are shouting submit to me before I love and care for you; women are screaming, love and care for me first then I’ll be happy to submit. To be honest all the arguments are correct depending on your gender. Submitting or loving still won’t guarantee a happy marriage. I know women who don’t believe they are loved except a man beats them, I also know men who don’t like submissive women, they believe that only a woman who fights them loves them. Different strokes for different folks.

Generally it is assumed that a woman who doesn’t respect her husband cannot enjoy a happy home and a man who doesn’t love and treat his wife well cannot also enjoy a happy home. It is also true that a submissive woman may or may not get the best out of their marriage and a man who loves and adores his wife may still be disrespected by the same woman.

The point of this article is simple, know who you married and then decide what works for you. Marriage is reserved for only adults because it is assumed that at a certain age we are expected to have learnt the art of cohabitation, we should have gotten to a stage where we understand that in order to live peacefully you must make adjustments to who you are and how you live, tolerating to a certain level your partner’s shortcomings. As adults we should have learnt that we are responsible for the consequences of our actions or inactions.

A relationship counselor or pastor cannot teach you how to live with your spouse, there is no one golden rule for marriages or relationships. Most importantly they don’t know him or her well enough to attempt a guess. They can only give you a general guide based on their own statistics or religious ethos. You must however remember that for every rule there is an exception. What works for majority of the couples out there may not work in your own home. Every marriage is unique and it behoves the couple to know what works for them.

The decision to be happy or unhappy depends on the couple or sometimes on one of them. The success of your marriage lies solely on you, not your Pastor, counsellor or relations. A woman may decide to be submissive and respectful towards her husband even if he doesn’t deserve it just to create a peaceful atmosphere at home for her and her children. A man can also decide to ignore and tolerate a disrespectful wife to maintain sanity in his home. By making this sacrifice, you will not only guarantee a peaceful home, you will preserve your sanity and health.

The consequences of whatever situation you create because of your highhandedness, stubbornness or fight for supremacy will be yours to bear. Being happy doesn’t just happen, it takes deliberate efforts bordering on sacrifice, tolerance and mutual understanding. Being unhappy also takes deliberate efforts. At the end of the day, your marriage is what you make it. As you make you bed, so you will lie on it – Sir Stanley Ekezie