Dear Sir Stanley Ekezie, my name is Stephen, a friend of mine introduced me to your blog, I really appreciate what you are doing, you don’t know how many lives you have touched, and marriages you are saving, for me it is a bit late, I wish I was exposed to your unbiased and sincere style of counseling which appeals to both genders, my life may have turned out better. I got married at 29 to a beautiful, intelligent and ambitious 25 year old. My wife is a Lawyer and I am an accountant.
As soon as we settled into our new home all hell was let loose. She refused to submit to me, she disobeyed me regularly and didn’t want to be a good wife to me or mother to the children. She wanted more than just babysit I and the kids like she will always say, her career was unnaturally important to her. She was prepared to trade anything for it. I on the other hand wanted the traditional marriage with the children at the center stage, I wasn’t opposed to her working so I encouraged her initially, but I was opposed to her making the job her god.
So naturally I started resisting and refused to support and appreciate her, our home was turned into a permanent war front, infidelity, alcoholism, physical abuse were all normal in our home. Somehow in the midst of our madness we managed to have four kids who came in quick succession, unfortunately they had to live through our stupidity. I am now 62 and my wife is 58, we have both achieved excellence in our careers and gotten very rich too, but we have ruined our children, home, happiness and lives.
My first daughter is an alcoholic, she has a son and she doesn’t know who the father is, my first son lives in America, he is gay and battling with drug abuse and the third child a boy, was rusticated in June this year from one of the private universities in Nigeria for drugs and cultism. The only reasonable one is my youngest son, he left to live with my sister when he was ten years old. My wife is heartbroken, hypertensive and diabetic, I am recovering from a mild stroke.
I want to use your medium to warn couples that there is no need for the fight, submit regardless and love regardless, if just one of us had compromised and endured, our lives would most probably have turned out better. Knowing what I know now I would have loved her regardless and I know she shares my sentiments. Please Sir Stanley continue doing what you are doing, it is only God that can reward you. God bless you, regards, Stephen
His wife informed me that Stephen (not his real name) died 2 days ago, a hurt and totally broken man.
Stephen sent the message above to me 3 years ago, the trauma of reading this terrible account of what a couples life became after marriage is as fresh as it was back then. Pls pls pls and pls, let love, forgiveness and sacrifice lead, save yourself the regret of wishing you did things differently, you can do those things now. When ego, hatred and acrimony is allowed to enter your home, the consequences are usually terrible and sometimes permanent and irreversible. Stephen died two days ago, his third son is in jail and his wife is battling advanced high blood pressure and diabetes. If one of them had compromised, their story would have been different today.
Just a little compromise for the sake of your family may be all it will take to save you from the heartache of a dysfunctional home and the consequential trauma. Men and women are equally affected, no exceptions. The innocent children bear the brunt of their parents hard heartedness towards each other. Be humble and considerate always, no matter how important you are out there, at home you are just a father or a mother whose responsibility it is to do whatever it takes for your family. If you must, sacrifice your pride, ego and self respect for peace to reign. – Sir Stanley Ekezie