Respect for a husband is a topic which has been very controversial over the years, while some women agree that it is sacrosanct to respect a man regardless of his shortcomings, others insist that they cannot respect a man who has not done enough to earn their respect. Both positions may be correct, however, my view is that respecting a husband in spite of his shortcomings is a small price to pay for peace and stability at home. If those who oppose unconditional respect for their husbands can deal with the rancorous and turbulent relationship which will most certainly ensue, that is their choice to make.

A man’s emotional stability, strength and general well being is dependent on the respect and appreciation he receives from his wife and children. Men feed off this respect, because it boosts their confidence, they are happier and more likely to succeed if they get the required amount of respect from home. A man who is bereft of respect is bitter, angry and less likely to sacrifice for his family. With the loss of respect, he loses his conscience and becomes selfish in his quest to get it. He may also become mean and abusive in his effort to assert himself, if this fails, he looses interest in the relationship and may adopt a nonchalant attitude.

Lack of respect breeds irresponsibility and a wayward life style, the man feels he has nothing else to lose if he has lost the most important thing, respect. Women believe that men cheat simply because they want variety, while this is true to an extent, the real reason men cheat is that they constantly seek for the validation of their virility, masculinity and power from the opposite sex, if as a wife you fail to provide these, someone will help you make them available to him. Men naturally gravitate to places where they are respected, appreciated and praised. If he fails to get these at home, his insatiable appetite for respect will drive him to places of escape like bars, clubs, hotels and ultimately into another woman’s arms.

Some women vehemently refuse to change their position and claim they don’t care about the fallout of disrespect, unfortunately, they and their innocent children are the ones suffering the hostile environment at home. Some of them will rather worship the ground their male bosses in the office, pastors and other men they hold in high esteem walk on, no matter their shortcomings than respect their husbands; bear in mind that you are helping another woman build and emotionally empower their husbands to excel while destroying yours. I have said this severally, a woman should not marry a man she cannot bring herself to respect. Disrespecting a man makes it easier for him to be irresponsible without the burden on his conscience.

It is possible to respect a man and still challenge him on issues, you can be a feminist, gender equality proponent and still respect your husband. Women misconstrue respect to mean servitude or moronic submission, these are completely different things. Respect in marriage simply means admiration, high regard, high esteem and praise. Respecting a man in spite of his inadequacies and shortcomings is a huge responsibility which men are afraid to bear, Everyman wants respect, but few are prepared to actually earn it because it is easier to lose it and live as they like, than behaving in a way that Justifies the respect which has been thrust upon them.

Judging by their actions, some men do not truly deserve respect from their wives, but in spite of this, give it to them and let them grapple with their conscience. Two wrongs don’t make a right, your ego or anger is worth sacrificing for peace of mind? If you are not planning to leave the marriage It takes absolutely nothing from you apart from a little dent on your ego. The wise thing to do is to create an enabling environment for yours and the children’s peace of mind. If you find it difficult to respect him even when you make a conscious effort, I am afraid to say that the happiness in your marriage has come to an unfortunate end – Sir Stanley Ekezie