One of the most dangerous conflicts in any relationship is that which is fuelled by ego. The problem with ego is that it blinds you to reason and the ability to make objective decisions. In an ego fuelled conflict, you are more focused on winning or teaching your spouse a lesson rather than trying to resolve the issue. Once the wining mindset is activated, you are more than likely to continue fighting until you self destruct or destroy your spouse and the relationship.
It is not unusual for couples to disagree on issues occasionally, how lowly you perceive your spouse and the consequential condescending attitude towards him/her makes it difficult to resolve. What fuels our over bloated ego is arrogating an unhealthy level of importance to once self. Your spouse is your partner and equal stakeholder in your marriage, he/she is not beneath you, he/she is not your subordinate, bearing these in mind will help you manage your ego when issue arise.
Underrating your spouse will make you focus more on the respect or worship you didn’t get rather than the cause of the problem. Ego thrives when one partner believes they are more important, bigger, richer, more intelligent or more beautiful/handsome than their partner, endeavour to remain humble, understanding and compassionate. Never make the mistake of believing that your marriage is more important to your spouse or they love and need you more and therefore you can get away with anything, this mindset will only fuel your ego when you believe you have been disrespected or wronged.
It is unwise to see yourself as anything but a husband or wife, you can be who you want to be outside your home. The trappings of power, position and wealth are better kept outside your marriage, wielding these at home will only make you expect servitude and an unhealthy level of respect from your spouse, failure to get these and in the likely event of conflict, your ego will replace the common sense and objectivity required to resolve issues.
In this season of love and sacrifice, let us all try to make amends, let us replace rancour, quarrels, brutality and hate with beautiful showers of love, considering that our Father in heaven out of love and compassion for us sent his only begotten son Jesus Christ to die on the cross of Calvary so that you yand I can be saved. In the same spirit of Love let us all put aside our differences, forgiving one another as God himself forgives our sins. Let the reason for this season fill our hearts with love and let the blood of the sacred lamb in the process of washing away our sins cleanse our hearts. I wish you all a merry Christmas and peaceful, prosperous New year in advance – Sir Stanley Ekezie