It is almost impossible to have a marriage without occasional disagreements and quarrels. Every marriage has its challenges, the severity of these challenges vary in intensity and duration. Depending on the issue, couples may want to talk to a third party either for comfort or advice. While the need to share problems is not a problem, who you chose to share these problems with is very critical to the preservation of your family.
The problems in your marriage should not be shared with the children, placing such a burden on a child is unfair. When a couple starts quarrelling, it is usually the people who love them and the ones they love that suffer the most. Those around them are put in the awkward position of struggling to either remain neutral or take sides, children lack the will power to remain neutral, it is almost certain that they will be divided in their choice of who to support, this will definitely pitch them against each other and the parent on the other side, polarising the family and deepening the crisis.
Discussing marital problems with your children at a young age robs them of a happy childhood, I am a firm believer in the age of innocence. For emotional stability, every child should be allowed to experience this period of innocence. No child should be forced to become an adult by exposing them to adult problems. Every child reserves the right to go through early life believing in folklore, fairies, ghosts, Santa Claus, tooth fairies, love and happily ever after. They should be eased into the realities of life through advice from parents and their own experiences as they become older.
When children are exposed to serious issues between parents especially when couples vilify each other before them, they may begin to develop a negative mindset against the opposite sex, this will follow them into their own homes if they eventually get married. Discussing or complaining to your young children about your spouse’s faults, sins and shortcomings has absolutely no benefits, they are too young to get involved, and apart from developing hatred and anger towards either one of the parents, the distortion to their young and immature minds breeds misogyny and misandry.
Couples must learn to exercise restraint over their emotions before the kids, even in the face of provocation. Sort your issues out in the privacy of your bedroom. It is important we protect our children by shielding them from fights, bitter arguments and physical confrontation. By loving and respecting your wife, your daughters will learn that they deserve love and respect themselves, your sons will learn that it is honourable to love and respect women.
Loving, respecting and putting your husband at the head of the family, lets your sons learn how to be responsible husbands and fathers, your daughters learn how to respect and love their owns husbands, the kids collectively learn that it is possible for a couple to live happily with tolerance, self respect, restrain, friendship and love, this is a valuable lesson they will need in their own home – Sir Stanley Ekezie.