It is a habit for some men to threaten their girlfriends or wives with a breakup up or divorce at the slightest provocation. This is because women always appear to be the ones who want the relationship or the marriage the most. It is generally believed that a woman holds a relationship and it is her ability to endure and understand that drives the relationship. Women have also been known to constantly massage the egos of their spouses when they are in love, they carry on like they can’t survive a breakup, this sometimes makes the man take the woman for granted. Threatening her especially after a couple of years in marriage when she has been battered by the effects of bearing your children makes her feel dispensable, this is every woman’s worst nightmare.

Some men make the dangerous mistake of threatening a woman’s position in the family by openly taking sides with family over and above their wives, this sends the wrong signal to the woman and makes her feel alienated. It is almost normal for families to wield an enormous amount of influence on their sons, seeking in most cases to control what happens in his home, thereby relegating the woman to the background. This will completely erode the woman’s confidence in the marriage and especially in the man. She will begin to see herself as an outsider, betrayed by the man who has pledged to take her as his lawfully wedded wife, to love, to have and to hold until death parts them. With the severance of this sacred bond, an independent and determined woman is born.

Similarly, constantly threatening to send her away immediately awakens the survival instincts instilled by default in every woman. She begins immediately to plan for the rainy day. A woman who never believed in putting some money aside for herself, suddenly starts to save, make investments and buy properties without the knowledge of the man and in most cases insists on building a career for herself. She begins to see herself as a separate entity independent of her husband and responsible only to herself and her kids. This is when the cracks begin to show in the marriage, the man’s attempt to regain control will be met with stiff resistance and if not properly handled by gently given her a genuine sense of security, things will fall apart.

Men who give their wives a good sense of belonging can get away with almost anything. Once a woman feels comfortable and secure in a relationship she will be ready to endure almost anything. This is the reason why some women remain in a marriage which appears to be unsavoury. In situations like this, what the man may have managed to do is to somehow send signals to the woman assuring her that her position is secure and in spite of his less than average performance, he is not going anywhere. This is the message most women want to get from their spouses. Women want to be made to feel like indispensable and permanent partners in the marriage, they want to feel that no matter what happens, the man will never throw them under the bus, do these and get her to feel secure, she will drop her guard and trust you completely and you will have a loyal and dependable partner in her.

It is noteworthy however to point out that some men who have the habit of threatening their wives or girlfriend with divorce or separation do so not out of malice or mischief, but simply to keep reassuring themselves through the woman’s fear for divorce that she is still in the marriage with her whole heart. My advice here is that women should focus more on actions rather than words, men are trivial and frivolous with words and can say anything just to get the woman to massage their already inflated ego. And to the men, if you are not ready to leave her, never threaten her with divorce of separation she may believe you and switch to her plan B mode. Women don’t take such threats likely, they are more organised, they plan ahead. She may just beat you to it – Sir Stanley Ekezie