MARRIED BUT SINGLE

Marriage is not just a contract established only in the physical, it is a state of mind, it is more in the mind than in the physical. Without the mental preparedness required to be in a marriage, it will be an exercise in futility. So many couples are married but have remained mentally single. This has nothing to do with sex or cohabitation, some couples live together, have sex everyday, but are mentally and emotionally single, others live thousands of miles apart but have managed to mentally and emotionally fuse together as one. When the marriage does not reside in the deepest recess of our minds. a catastrophic breakup is inevitable.

The level of couples independence in recent times is at variance with the ideals on which marriage was built, “therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” this is the bible verse in which the ideal structure of marriage is so eloquently summarised. One plus one should be one in an ideal marriage. Unfortunately we have arrived at a situation where one plus one is now two, three or more. Couples are so divided in everything, even the most trivial things now cause serious issues these days. The concept of dialogue and mutual agreement has been replaced with an obstinate and selfish adherence to individual principles.

Couples now plan their lives independent of each other, everyone carries on like a separate entity connected only by the last name they share. Bank accounts, career plans. Properties. Friendships and even businesses are kept secret. Even the kids have not been spared, often confused by the sometimes unintended duplication of plans by their parents. They hear east from the mother and west from the father, consequently they shut out the confusing signals from both parents and head in their own direction which is usually the wrong one.

When two are joined together to become one flesh, individualism and selfishness should ideally not be the end result. Cohesion in action, mutual agreements and synergy in body, mind and soul is the expected result. As soon as you get married, everything you do or say must be carefully considered to ensure it suits both partners, you can no longer take unilateral decisions without getting the approval of your spouse. You must understand that your actions or inactions effect your spouse too. The “I” and “my” should be deleted from your vocabulary, it should be replaced with “We” “Us and “our”

Achieving near perfection in unity takes a lot of work, it doesn’t just magically fall into place. A couple must be prepared to make sacrifices to accommodate each other, When there is a difference in opinion. pride and arrogance which are usually the catalyst in marital problems will blind you to reason, these should have no place in your marriage, Your conscience and common sense should guide you to the right decision, wisdom will lead you to acknowledge when your spouse’s suggestion is better. Humility will help you accept your faults and apologise when you are wrong. Marriage is sweeter when you are emotionally connected, but when you live as friendly strangers, it becomes a burden too heavy for the fragile human mind to bear. Put in the work. make the sacrifice, it takes one good move to elicit a reciprocal good move- Sir Stanley Ekezie