Some young girls sent messages seeking my opinion on how best to choose a man to marry and what I think the criteria should be. I tried to give a standard explanation of what I think happens out there. However, for every rule there is an exception so there may be marked differences in what actually happens on individual experiences. The most important thing is to determine what you are looking for in a relationship and start working towards it from the onset.

For a young girl looking to settle down the challenge is usually in choosing the ideal man from the barrage of men trying to get your attention. Since it is almost impossible to know for sure what a person’s true intentions are, it becomes a daunting task to sift through the list of seemingly qualified bachelors to choose a sincere one to spend the rest of your life with. It is possible that a good number of them may appear suitable for marriage, great care must be taken to ensure that you do not fall prey to the many dating fraudsters out there masquerading as potential husbands. There are three categories of bachelors out there today, these are, those who come to pay, get what they want and go; those who come to play get what they want and go and finally those who stay because they have gotten what they want. In preparing to make a choice, you have to be clear on what you want, do you want a paymaster, a boyfriend or a husband, you will definitely either get paid, get played or get hitched, one of the three must happen.

The most difficult thing is to differentiate between the three because their approach is almost deceptively identical. However with a little concentration, you may be able to differentiate one from another. The one who comes to pay is very easy to detect, for him it is business, he lays his cards on the table and is not afraid to say what he wants. The challenge is differentiating the one who wants to play and the one who wants to stay. They have almost the same approach, initially overtly nice and appears genuinely interested. However one of the things that differentiates them is patience. The one who wants to play is usually impatient to sleep with his target and move on to the next, all his long sweet talk, excessive show of affection and scheming revolves around one thing only, Sex, and once he gets it, he starts planning his exit strategy, this may take a few weeks or even months depending on the man.

On the other hand, the one who comes to stay is in no hurry, he is willing to stretch it because he believes it will be he’s one day and therefore does not see the need to rush. One other thing you have to look out for is the direction of his discussions with you. The ones who come to play discusses superficial things with no real substance, most times making promises that are bogus and unrealistic, he promises you the world when he cannot even afford to offer you his time or full attention. It is easy for one to get tricked in his very advanced mind games, if he finds out you are desperate to get married, he may throw in a fake marriage proposal to further convince you he is real.

The one who wants to stay discusses long term plans with you, he doesn’t want to be involved in your social vices like drinking, smoking and partying. He is more interested in your future, takes pleasure in discussing your career and your family, those in this category are usually serious minded, dull and uninteresting, making them attractive only to the serious minded women. An immature and inexperienced girl will go with the one who comes to play, they are usually more exciting and fun to be with but this is usually very short-lived. Men in this category lack the ability to remain in a long term relationship for longer that 4-5 circles of clubbing and partying. Most girls get stuck here, they get carried away with glitz and glamour and spend months trying to make him stay, desperately attempting to change someone whose intentions ab initio was not to stay. This is like fitting a square peg in a round hole. Even when you succeed and get them to settle down, it becomes even more difficult to get them to stay committed.

It is important you make up your mind on what you want out of a relationship from the beginning, it will help you choose wisely. If it is money you want, don’t complicate matters by making it look like a proper relationship, you will confuse the man and yourself as well and will probably end up having neither the relationship nor the money. If you want the fun boyfriend, partying clubbing and the good life, these are easy to identify and shouldn’t be a problem since most guys these days fall into this category. When you decide to settle down, you must avoid the first two categories of men. Focus on the serious minded man who comes to stay and not to play or pay. Their packaging may not appeal to you, their lifestyle may be too dull for you, always remember that the criteria for choosing a boyfriend and a husband are completely different, not all boyfriends will make good husbands and not all husbands were good boyfriends. In making a choice, consider your happiness and peace of mind over wealth, while wealth cannot guarantee happiness, a peaceful and happy heart will ensure a long and fulfilled life – Sir Stanley Ekezie