Smart kids smarter parents 

In order to show my kids who is in charge, I have had to overrule my wife’s decision a few times on almost every aspect of our family life, not in a malicious way though. Just enough to show the kids that I am in charge and my consent or refusal on any issue is final. Even when she said no, the kids will file an appeal with me, I will tell my wife to let them go, and even when she disagrees with me, she will still consent, telling them that if your dad says it’s ok, she can’t say otherwise. She always tried to maintain the hierarchy of leadership so the kids can see and learn. Kudos to her.

One day I over heard the kids plotting to go to the cinema, the youngest one told them to tell mummy first, I know she will say no, then we can ask daddy and tell him mummy said no, he will most certainly always say yes and then mummy must obey, she won’t have a choice. I was flabbergasted, she was just 11 years old at the time. It suddenly dawned on me that I have been played, beaten hands down by my own kids. So when they came to ask my permission, I told them it was up to their mum and whatever she says is final, I cant do anything about it. The look of shock on their faces was priceless. From then on, I became the parent who didn’t have absolute powers any more, we became a team, she did the vetting because she is more thorough and hands-on, she knew each of them more deeply than I did, it was harder to play her. Once she has vetted, she will recommend approval or disapproval and I will act accordingly issuing the final approval or rejecting the appeal. All the things they used to get away with when I was solely in charge became more difficult or impossible.

The moral of the story is simple, empower your wife for effective control of your home, we are too busy battling to make a living, we can’t multitask, however women were created with the capacity to multitask, they can be successful at work and at home. An empowered woman will be respected by your children thus making it easy for her to teach and mentor them. The kids will pick up the slightest signs of disrespect and subjugation of your wife and build on it, this may make it more difficult for her to properly groom them in your mostly unavoidable absences from home. We should always ensure that our wives are not ridiculed or subdued before the children, a wife should be seen as a strong and indispensable component of the family unit. 

The kids must see and know that we love and respect their mother and will support all her decisions. They must know that the house is hers, and that getting favours from daddy is dependent on mummy’s approval. Total authority should rest on her especially if she is a homely and virtuous mother. She knows the kids better than you, she shares a special bond with them and will punish them without emotions when they do something wrong. Ensure that the kids especially your daughters see her as the final say in almost all their affairs, her decisions concerning them whether we like it or not will always tow the line of reason. Most daughters won’t like their mum until they become adults, because she loves them and punishes them with the same amount of passion when they err.

I am sapiosexual , so I believe intelligent and powerful women make better wives and most especially mothers. I’d rather have a well accomplished woman mentor my kids than a subdued and voiceless woman, the later can only transfer her bitterness and frustration to the kids. A powerful and accomplished woman boosts her daughters’ confidence and gives them a befitting role model – Sir Stanley Ekezie 

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  1. Wow!! Brilliant. I can definitely relate. Someone once told my husband that his wife “wara anya”… and he laughed and said, “yes, I know. And a smart one for that matter”. He wanted a wife that is smart and confident in order to raise confident and intelligent children 😊💪🏾.


  2. Sir Stan the sky is not even your limit pls seminer for men is needed not just this online write up, you need to talk to them eye ball to eye ball. Feel their pulse and answer their question, this sure a calling from God, you must not be a pastor to win soul, heal homes and draw ppl to God, the first thing we need to sanitize our society is good homes, pls keep it up


  3. Stan Ekezie….Nice article . However, what of kids without Mum(may be their mums are dead or dumped them) that grow up stronger , successful and well behaved?..


  4. ND in a situation where kids have lost a parent to death, it is very likely the kids will grow up normal and successful, the widower usually automatically assumes the position of mother and father. On the other hand, for the child who has lost a parent to separation or divorce it is quite different, it is not the actual divorce or separation that messes children up, it is the psychological trauma the warring parents unleash on them, the bitterness and anger spills over on the kids. There are two type of hunger, one where you are hungry and there is no good food in sight, you can survive on anything, the other is the one where you are hungry surrounded by good food and you can’t get your hands on some. While the former is difficult but manageable, the later is excruciating and may leads to stealing, violence hatred etc. The former represents a child whose parent, mother or father is late, they make their peace with it, accepts the surviving parent as both mother and father, the later represents a child from a broken home who lives with one parent, knows the other parent is alive and well somewhere, yearns for this absent parent regularly but cannot have access to them as they want. This breeds, anger, rebellion and resentment. Like in every rule, there are exceptions, there are exceptional divorced single parents, with equally strong kids who have managed to bridge the gap and bring up strong and successful children.


  5. Absolutely beautiful!! What a mentor you are. We just need a few men like you Sir Stan and a lot of marriages would be more interesting.God bless your voice more. Ild love to share and permission to do that please.


  6. @ Philip, a boy who grows up in a family where his mother is respected and empowered will grow up respecting her and by extension other women. He will be exposed at a very young age to the fact that women are created different and not inferior. Observing his father respect his mum will equip him with the necessary knowledge to maintain the same balance in his own home when he gets married. The idea of a successful and accomplished wife will not intimidate him, having lived with one almost all his life.




  8. Sir Stan, where did u get dis talent/ blessing from eh. U are wonderfully made. Am so proud of u. I have been going through ur piece. Ride on sir


  9. Wow, Fantastic piece, apt and very masterfully delivered. Your command of a fluent rhetorical delivery is evident. I am an English Lecturer, I recognise talent when I see one. You should consider putting these in a book.


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