Self esteem

Most incidents of abuse in a relationship are indirectly encouraged by the victim. The initial stage of abuse is usually used by the aggressor to test the victims resolve to resist. Once the abuse is carried out without resistance and repercussions, the momentum gradually builds. It starts with minor things and gradually extends into more significant and blatant incidents of aggression and abuse. Abuse takes three forms, physical, verbal and emotional, it is often systematic and sustained over a long period of time with the victims brainwashed into accepting the situation as normal or admitting a certain level of guilt. It is also not gender specific, women as well as men suffer one form of abuse or the other in their relationships. it is important to critically examine and evaluate your relationship before you go into marriage, do not make excuses for anyone’s ill treatment of you, If you are being abused during courtship, you will more than likely be abused when you marry your aggressor.

Having a good level of self worth is advised in a relationship, do not accept things that are meagre out of desperation. Abusers have a way of first attacking your self esteem, they demean your self worth to get you to the point where you feel that being with them under any adverse condition is better than not being with them at all. Once you have accepted this situation, it will be difficult for you to see anything wrong with what they do, you will exonerate them from glaring cases of abuse while blaming yourself for the attacks. This is why most cases of abuse takes time before it is reported. In most cases it will take the efforts of a concerned and consistent third party to point out these situation before the victims begin to see things differently. 

Contrary to what some people say, abuse cannot be done out of love, it is absolutely preposterous for anyone in their right senses to believe that someone can abuse you physically, verbally or emotionally out of love. It is naturally impossible for any human being to abuse a person they truly and sincerely love. However, impulsive crimes of passion are an exception to this theory, those are slightly different, mostly committed out of jealousy, they are usually impetuous and ends almost as quickly as it starts. A jealous lover can be as brutal as an abuser, however once the jealousy is resolved, the lover goes to great lengths to appease his victim and the relationship more often than not becomes even more passionate except in cases where the jealous partner has deep rooted self esteem issues or the victim is a serial cheater. 

It is advisable to ensure that your sense of self worth and your self esteem are intact always. Do not accept anyone’s definition of who you are. We are all created equal but different, our strengths and weakness are individually different. No one person has it all, if you are lacking in one aspect of life, you will definitely be sufficient in another, it is just for you to discover your strengths and use it to compliment your weaknesses. Do not make excuses for another persons acts of aggression towards you, you do not deserve to be treated badly no matter what, no one is indispensable, leave those who treat you badly no matter the incentive to stay. Some people say it is more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle and to that I say it is better not to cry at all, and even better to laugh on your feet instead. No matter what they give you, it is dangerous for your health to stay in an abusive relationship, no amount of wealth or comfort is worth dying for. 

Someone somewhere is waiting to treat you like royalty, but in order to meet that special person, you must leave where you are now. Everyday in an abusive relation is a waste of your valuable time and a step closer to an untimely death, it becomes harder to leave with each passing day. People have been known to remain in such relationships or even marry their abuser simply because of the years they have wasted in the relationship, this is usually a grievous mistake, one which will hunt you in your marriage if you eventually get married to the person. A new beginning is not as difficult as you think, gather your strength and go seek happiness – Sir Stanley Ekezie 

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