Over the years I have been an advocate of liberating women from the negative societal shackles that have held them down for centuries. I started by encouraging my own wife to go back to school to pursue a masters degree, and now a PHD to strengthen her knowledge and employability. I want her to rise to the top of her career. I do not believe for one second that she will turn against me when she rises to the top, but even if she does, the consolation is that my children will benefit from her success, isn’t this while we struggle? It doesn’t matter who provides the bread, as long as there is bread to feed. . I have continuously encourage all my children boys and girls that no one is superior to the other, the achievements to be made in life are equally available to everyone regardless of gender.
Most men fear that when a woman becomes too successful, she looses respect for her husband and becomes less domesticated, they worry that marriage as they know and understand it ends with a woman making a good living and in the process becoming independent. Women too have not helped this perception, It has been observed that some women actually become too independent and proud, abandoning all known family values and in the process putting their marriage and children second to the career. Men have been accused of being aggressive towards their wives when they become successful, the truth in most cases is that the woman’s attitude becomes authoritative, sometimes without her knowing. Some may even become temperamental, defiant and vindictive in their actions especially if there has been previous incidents of physical or emotional abuse.
This attitude of the new class of nouveau riche married women have fuelled the struggle against women liberation in many quarters. I have been involved in a couple of domestic disputes where the woman becomes successful and suddenly starts usurping her husband’s roles in the household, taking unilateral decisions without his knowledge and consent simply because he doesn’t have the financial capability to support such decisions. This is ignorance of the highest order, a woman who becomes successful is supposed to be a blessing rather than a curse to her family, success is supposed to be a strengthening factor and not a destructive one. By your success God has blessed your entire family, not just you. Do not lower your tolerance threshold because of success or wealth, rather be more understanding, be the wife that you have always been, wealth or success should not change that, to him whom much is given, much is also expected. A successful woman should learn to imbibe the spirit of tolerance, patience and humility. it takes absolutely nothing from you to continue to be humble, respecting and honoring your husband with you body and soul. Anything contrary to this is unnatural and against Christian Values. The Bible teaches us that a wise woman builds her home but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands- Proverbs 14:1. Money can buy temporal things but it takes a strong and in depth relationship with God, patience and prayerful perseverance to build a strong home. Your kids are watching and seeing how well you relate to God and their father as instructed in the Bible, remember examples you set for them will guide them for the rest of their lives. Even if your husband understands and accepts your overbearing attitude, by your actions you will expose the children to the wrong notion that a woman is superior to her husband because she is richer, this will definitely set them up for a failed marriage because they might not be lucky to marry a man as understanding and gentle as their father.
God who in his infinite wisdom has given you success did not intend for it be the reason why what he has put together is put asunder, just like when he blesses the man, he intends for it to uplift the whole family. A woman who decides to be divisive simply because she believes she can take now take care of herself without the man is setting herself up for a major fall. Remember, success like every other thing in life is transient, everything can take a turn for the worst at the blink of an eye. Do not be quick to leave your marriage because of financial independence, money will not buy you the comfort and protection of a happy home. Proceed in such a way that your family as a whole will stand solidly behind you in times of trial. Nothing commands respect and admiration more than a woman who is successful in both her career and in her marriage. There are many women who are successful both at work and at home, learn from them. No matter how successful you become, never loose sight of the fact that you owe it to your children to be a wife to their father, a mother to them and a caretaker to the entire family – Sir Stanley Ekezie
Superb submission. A man empowering his wife is an empowerment for himself as they are one. Moreover, empowering a woman means a more secured empowerment for the society through the most important unit- the family.
So very well said Sir. I suggest you organise seminars to share some of these relationships ideas to many of our Nigerian men….married and yet to be married .
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