I spoke with a man who called to tell me his wife cheated on him and the marriage is in the process of being terminated, he was threatening to throw her out that evening. He was shocked when I asked him what his own part in her adultery was. That wasn’t the reaction he expected to get from me, a fellow man who should be screaming profanities at the adulterous woman. Unfortunately I don’t pass judgement on anyone, I try to analyze situations first before I jump to conclusions.
I reminded him that it is very easy to condemn someone without taking into consideration the part we played, especially for offenses that we may have previously committed. As men we should learn to stop being hypocritical when a woman cheats, don’t misunderstand me, it is totally wrong when they do, just as wrong as it is when we do. Gender does not in anyway determine the gravity of the offense, our first thought should be the act of adultery and not whether it is a woman or a man. We must learn to remove the log in our eyes before attempting to remove the spec from someone else’s.
He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone. I explained to him that if he brings in ten women and neglects them the way he has neglected his present wife, it will only be a matter of time before they all cheat on him. I advised him to look at things from this perspective before he reaches a decision which only he has the right to make. Fortunately he did in favor of peace, he decided to forgive her and also ask for forgiveness for his own extramarital affairs, they are in the process of repairing their relationship.
In as much I feel it is totally abominable and unacceptable for a woman to engage in extramarital affairs, I also feel that when they find the courage to step out of their matrimonial homes, SOMETIMES we contribute directly or indirectly in leading them to that decision. The key word here is SOMETIMES.
I know that some women lack basic foundational principles of morality, I understand also that there are women and men who will cheat without being prompted or indirectly cajoled by anyone, the analysis today excludes people who fall within this category, it is not about condoning cheating, it is simply an advisory piece targeted at men with the expectation that we will learn to take our responsibility of caring for our wives more solemnly. I am aware that my position here may not go down well with a section of my audience, but as always I will state my views without fear or favor.
I have heard horror stories from women of how they are brutalised daily by their husbands. How they are reduced to mere servants, become punching bags for the man’s pleasure and starved of sex for long periods of time without any justifiable reason. Will you honestly blame these women if they seek comfort outside their hostile environments? Some of these men probably because of the almighty “see finish syndrome” fail to realise how beautiful and attractive their wives has remained after being battered by childbirth. They believe she is damaged goods and no longer appealing to any man, this is a foolish and ignorant perception, one that will get your heart broken when the consequences of your actions comes to bear with the resultant effect expected from such neglects.
Remember one mans meat is another mans poison and vice versa, someone somewhere may already be seriously lusting after her, make hay while the sun shines and reinforce her barriers before it is too late. Unlike men, when a woman steps out of her matrimonial home, she forgets to hit the reverse button and will move on faster than you think and without looking back. The sad thing is that you may have to accept it without a murmur.
When men treat their wives very badly, I don’t think they realise that they are making her an easy target for serial wife hunters. It is natural for a human being to become emotionally attached to those who treat them with love, dignity and respect. So bear in mind that when you treat her badly, you will definitely let her out of the house to go to the salon, market or even work, and in these places there may be a man who is more civilised than you are, a man who will disarm her with his charm and good manners. This man will make her feel better than you have managed to do, he will help her regain her self confidence, rebuild her self esteem and this will ultimately lead to an affair. When this happens and you start apportioning blames, be sure to reserve a huge chunk of it for yourself.
Endeavour to treat your wife with love, respect and dignity, so much that it will be impossible for her to find another man who will treat her the way you do. If you spend a lot of money on her, someone might outspend you, if you are a superman in bed, someone maybe like the Incredible Hulk, better and stronger than you, but true love and affection is very difficult to replicate within a short period of time. Let her have a sense of belonging and inclusiveness in your affairs, it makes her feel you are in it together.
A woman who is truly loved and appreciated is extremely difficult to approach and break, she feels content and lives in a bubble always and floats too high for mortal men to reach, she sticks to her man no matter what. If you have done all these and she still cheats, just like we often advise women, take it to God in Prayer, there is nothing he cannot do, no situation he cannot change and no wrong he cannot right – Sir Stanley Ekezie