Arrogant apology

In certain situations within a relationship or marriage, the offended party may appear unforgiving or hard-hearted, refusing to forgive despite an offered apology. They may tenaciously hold onto the offense, with their anger escalating over time.

One reason for this, in my opinion, is the nature of the apology. Remorse and apology must be evident not only verbally but also through body language. Some individuals offer apologies in a manner that suggests they were coerced, saying things like “okay nah, I am sorry,” and becoming angry when the apology is not immediately accepted, completely disregarding the fact that their spouse is angry due to their actions.

The arrogance in this attitude creates a stalemate, with their spouse’s anger becoming multifaceted. They are not only angry about the original offense but also about the arrogance and pride exhibited by the offender. This creates a feeling of disrespect and disregard for their feelings and the anger, rather than dissipating over time, increases in intensity until it reaches a boiling point. At this point arguments and exchange of words become inevitable with both parties laying claim to their right to be heard.

Another reason is that the offender sometimes focuses more on the way their partner reacted rather than their offense which elicited the angry reaction. When you have done something wrong and your spouse or partner overreacts, rather than focusing on the overreaction, maintain an apologetic stance to ease tension. It is very annoying for an offender to keep retorting rather than showing remorse. When tempers have calmed, you can point out the issue of overreaction or the manner in which the anger was expressed. Bringing it up as a form of defense only exacerbates the anger.

Your partner has the right to express anger when they have been hurt, and sometimes they have no control over how this anger is expressed. The onus lies on the offender to do everything necessary to calm them down. If you know you have offended your spouse, there is no need to be proud or arrogant about your defense or apology; you have nothing to prove.

Your apology must be completely honest and presented in a humble, remorseful manner. This, and only this, will bring true forgiveness and initiate the healing process. If you find yourself feeling too proud or reluctant to apologize when you have done something wrong, respect and concern have taken flight, and it is only a matter of time before the relationship collapses. – Sir Stanley Ekezie

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