Articles, comments and bias

Whenever an article is published, many individuals comment based on either their understanding or misunderstanding of the topic under discussion or their own personal experiences. It has become the norm for people to focus more on the comments rather than the article itself. While this phenomenon, in and of itself, is not a problem, as the comments provide genuine opinions and personal anecdotes from which we can learn, there is a caveat.

The real issue lies with individuals who comment solely based on their experiences, be they positive or negative. Some shared experiences, whether good or bad, may be exaggerated or entirely fabricated. For instance, a woman married to a wealthy serial abuser may present a glowing picture of her spouse on social media, detailing his kindness and generosity while strategically omitting his shortcomings and the sacrifices she makes to maintain a façade of a harmonious relationship. Another woman may replicate this behavior, causing undue stress in her own relationship with a good but struggling partner.

Similarly, some men may present themselves as dictatorial figures at home, whose wives cater to their every need, while in reality, they are submissive and fearful of their controlling and abusive spouses. They hide her bad character from their friends and family and defends her fiercely. They will not disclose the endurance and sacrifices they make to maintain peace in their marriages. Unfortunately, some individuals may emulate these comments, attempting to enforce similar dynamics in their own relationships, often with undesirable consequences.

An abused woman will typically offer advice based on her experiences, which may be defensive and confrontational in nature. Her counsel may be one-sided, failing to acknowledge her own role in provoking her husband’s negative reactions. Likewise, a man who has been or is married to a woman who emasculates and disrespects him may offer biased advice, encouraging others to adopt behaviors he himself cannot enforce in his own relationship, essentially attempting to live his fantasy of an alpha male through others.

It is essential to recognize that comments and advice, whether online or offline, are often skewed by personal experiences and biases. This applies equally to counsel from counselors, priests, and parents. It is crucial to be discerning and thoughtful, scrutinizing every article you read and every piece of advice you receive, taking into account your unique circumstances, the character of your spouse, and what works best for you. Relationships and marriages are inherently unique and cannot be reduced to a scientific or mathematical equation with one formula to solve. As you navigate your relationship, choose peace over conflict and continually learn and adapt – Sir Stanley Ekezie

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