Predetermined outcome

There are two scenarios

Scenario 1 – A man meets a woman and from the on set the only thing he can think about is sleeping with her. He takes her on dates, spoils her with gifts, spends money on her, tolerates whatever she does. He does all these to weaken her defenses to have his way with her. Eventually he succeeds and in order to keep sleeping with her he continues the charade until he has had enough or someone more beautiful catches his attention or she meets someone richer and better looking.

Scenario 2 – A woman meets a man, notices he is rich, from the first day she started scheming, planning on how to make money off him, she immediately sets a target, her house rent, a car, a new phone, jewelry etc. She succeeds, he starts spending in her, in order to keep the money flowing, she professes love and starts sleeping with him until she meets someone who is prepared to offer her more money or he gets tired and diverts his attention to another girl.

These scenarios are very similar, they are temporary arrangements fueled by greed, there is no sincerity of purpose, each has a predetermined outcome planned. A cocktail of lies, pretence and deceit has to be served constantly to perpetuate the charade. The focus on the benefits completely blinds the actors to red flags in character which in most cases are very glaring. There is no real substance or connection, all that exists is just worldly benefits. The relationship is bound to end when one or two of the actors have achieved the planned and predetermined outcome in the relationship.

As sad as it sounds, both of these scenarios will sometimes unfortunately lead to marriage thereby forcing two people who already have a predetermined and planned outcome for the relationship into a permanent living arrangement. In order to make it work they both have to continue their deception. Unfortunately, pretense cannot be sustained over a long period of time. Naturally, after a while it becomes mentally and physically exhausting, irritation and conflicts will inevitably erupt. In today’s parlance it is described as irreconcilable differences and it is responsible for a huge percentage of breakups.

Understanding the structure of the relationship you are involved in is extremely important. It is disastrous to convert a temporary mutually beneficial arrangement into marriage, this is because of the fact that once the planned predetermined outcome is achieved the relationship loses its relevance, this may happen in the marriage. Additionally whatever the benefit, carnal pleasure or money, someone better or richer will most definitely come along, since there is no real commitment, the relationship cannot survive this inevitable temptation.

Make sure that the reason you are marrying a person is not because they are rich, good in bed, beautiful, handsome or any other ephemeral quality. It is important you focus more on their personality, character, upbringing, friends, how they treat their parents, siblings, staff and a beggar on the streets. For a man never marry a woman you do not love and adore beyond her outward beauty, and a for a woman never marry a man your have no respect for without his money, status and looks. Every carnal thing in life in transient and can change without notice, genuine love and friendship are spiritual and lives and thrives in the human soul, they will survive to the end – Sir Stanley Ekezie