Marriages – Gen Z and Millennials

Life is dynamic, the only constant thing in life is change for the better or worse. Over the past two decades we have experienced an unprecedented change in our value and moral systems. Most of us are very reluctant to accept that these changes have been foisted on us, things that were hitherto considered taboos are now generally accepted by majority as the norm.

Like every other thing, the rules of engagement for relationships and marriages have been tremendously affected positively or adversely depending on which side of the aisle you are operating from. The difficulty or in most cases blatant refusal by both genders to adapt to these changes has been a major factor in relationship and marriage issues. Looking at how the marriages of many decades ago were structured you will agree with me that there is a very significant difference from what applies today.

In those days the composition of the family was straight forward with an alpha male at the top of the structure. In most cases he solely provided for and protected the family with little or no input from his wife or partner. He had exclusive privileges like a special seat in the family living room, special plates and cutlery to serve his carefully prepared meals. He was revered and feared by his family, he had exclusive rights to social vices like drinking, smoking and cheating, he could not be questioned because societal norms at the time protected him from accountability.

Today, with the prevalence of female education, gender equality agitations and feminism we have raised a new crop of independent and bold women who are ready to match the men in providence and social vices like drinking, smoking and cheating. These women are expected to marry a generation of men who are still stuck in the old ways. Consequently, we are confronted with a situation where marriages are already doomed to fail before they are even contracted. Our new generation of men having imbibed the old ways handed down to them from generation to generation are now facing fierce resistance from the socially liberated and emboldened millennials and GenZ women.

With the massive advancements in LGBTQ rights, marriages can now happen legally in many countries among men or women, women now can now marry women and men can marry men. This has emboldened gender independence and in the process decimated the importance of each gender in a relationship or marriage. Additionally, with the shattering of many gender biased glass ceilings, in business, politics, religion and career advancements, women have become more intellectually, socially and financially empowered, provision which used to be the sole responsibility of the man is also being matched by the women. The cause of marriage problems is deeply rooted in this paradigm shift.

The solution is simple, our mindset must be altered to adjust to this new reality. Men must understand that we are neither our fathers nor marrying our mothers. The social atmosphere in which our parents’ marriages thrived has been replaced with a society that is more open minded and inclined towards gender balance, mutual respect and accountability. What this means is that your wives or partners unlike the generations before them are now more socially, financially and mentally independent, they are bolder and therefore more likely to resist any form of marital subjugation.

Finally, your home is not a practice lab for gender equality, apply your agitation with tact and wisdom. The man you married does not represent all men and therefore should not suffer the consequences of women liberation on their behalf. Bear in mind that these changes are relatively new and most men are old fashioned when it comes to marriages, they are struggling to accept the new order. A lot of patience is required to make marriages work. Be yourself during courtship, let the man know exactly what you expect from him as a husband, pretending to fit into his idea of a wife and then changing after marriage will only set you on a collision course with him. A combination of friendship, mutual respect and love is still the elixir required to make marriages work – Sir Stanley Ekezie