Marriage may not be for everyone

Marriage is an institution which has a standard set of rules of engagement, but in recent times many extreme views have threatened the very foundation of the marriage institution. Misogyny (extreme hatred for anything feminine) male chauvinism (male prejudice against women; the belief that men are superior in terms of ability, intelligence) and chauvinistic feminism (a type of feminism hinged on deep rooted sense of superiority, hatred and deliberate disrespect for men) religious and cultural extremism are examples of such extreme views which have distorted the mindset of many towards the marriage institution. It is impossible to believe in marriage and not conform to the rules of engagement.

Extremism has no place in marriage, a man who does not respect or love women and a woman who refuses to respect or accept a man’s headship of the family unit has no reason to enter into marriage. A person whose religious or cultural beliefs are too rigid to accommodate opposing or different views shouldn’t consider marriage especially with the intention of imposing those views on a spouse. When either one or two of the individuals in a union has extremist views especially those who insist on exhibiting these views at home, the union is destined to fail. It may be possible to temporarily subjugate a woman or emasculate a man, this victory is usually short lived and will definitely lead to rebellion later on in the union.

Marriage is definitely not for everyone, some people are too rigid to venture into it. Opting to go into marriage means you understand and accept its guiding principles which are among other things, mutual respect, tolerance, love and friendship. You cannot be too independent in marriage, it is an interdependent arrangement where one depends on the other for almost everything. Taking unilateral decisions is not part of these guiding principles, what you do affects the other person, so they are entitled to their own opinion. Issues must be discussed to ensure that decisions taken are comfortable for both rather than one person.

Men who are too chauvinistic, determined only to subjugate women, men who have no respect and regards for women or see them as inferior have absolutely no business in marriage. Women who have extreme views and insist on using their husbands as a specimen to practice their extreme beliefs, or women whose opposition to issues rather than being objective is only to prove to their husbands that they have a voice should not bother getting married. Marriage is a no feminist, misogynist or chauvinist zone, your gender, religious or cultural struggle whatever they are should be practiced outside the confines of your marriage. it is an institution where man and woman come together to become one

Those who marry just because they want kids can always get them through willing sperm or egg donors instead of ruining someone else’s chance of a happy marriage. If you want to marry because of family and peer pressure or you believe it’s the right thing to do, prior to doing this, there are the things to consider , if you are a woman and cannot love and respect your husband or condescend to being answerable to him or support him, stay single and be a baby mama, if you are a man and cannot love and respect your wife or too proud and arrogant to be answerable to a woman and be responsible for the upkeep of your family, stay single and be a baby daddy.

Marriage is for only those who are open minded enough to see the other person’s point of view and those who are willing to love unconditionally and tolerantly accommodate their spouse’s shortcomings. So before you think of getting married, ensure your are willing to commit totally to it. If you have any doubts or are unwilling to totally commit to your spouse, marriage may not be for you, if you get married without the required mindset and commitment, you will end up ruining someone’s dream of a happy and fulfilling married life – Sir Stanley Ekezie

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